


All I Need

by BuckyAndDanno



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Buck In Hawaii, Buck Joins Five-0, Danny Is Pissed At Steve For Leaving, Depressed!Danny, Depression, M/M, Post Hawaii Five-0 Finale, Post-Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye), Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Suicidal Thoughts, depressed!Buck, hurt!buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:41:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23777020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyAndDanno/pseuds/BuckyAndDanno
Summary: Buck’s tired of feeling like an outsider in his own family and could use a change of scenery. Danny’s hurting after Steve’s gone and there’s an empty space on the 5-0 team; he’s only met Buck a handful of times when he’s visited Steve, but they became fast friends and Danny owes Buck for a lot. Sounds like the perfect plan. Except Eddie soon starts to realise how big a piece of his life Evan Buckley was, while Steve realises the only peace he ever knew was with Danno. By then, have Danny and Buck made a life without either of them?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Danny Williams, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Steve McGarrett
Comments: 124
Kudos: 584





	1. The Offer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cinder7storm4](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinder7storm4/gifts).



> I’m in the UK so I’ve only seen clips of the 5-0 finale and Season 3 of 9-1-1, but I’m not the biggest fan of how either was handled (Buck just forgiving everyone for their treatment of him, and Steve leaving) so this is my catharsis.
> 
> This fic was inspired by Cinder7storm4‘s brilliant story The Adventures of Smooth Dog and Pup, hence my gifting it to them, and my love of both fandoms.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.
> 
> This fic is already nearly 40k words, so updates should be frequent. Buckle up!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck’s in pain. A wounded Danny makes a tempting offer.

**Buck**

The station was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and at that point in time, it was exactly how Evan Buckley liked it. Ask him three months ago and he would have said quiet was his worst enemy. The 32 year old had always been a non-stop chatterbox, to the detriment of his family and colleagues. They loved him for it, of course, but it could still get annoying to them sometimes.

Now however… Now, Buck had barely said a peep to any of them in over a month.

It all started when a ladder truck blew up, crushing his leg and sending him into a depressive spiral that only got worse when he and Christopher, his best friend’s son, were caught in a Tsunami. After that, he hadn’t been in the best frame of mind to make decisions and ended up suing the department to get his job back. His colleagues – once his family – hadn’t taken that well at all, and had pretty much ostracised him at the 118.

He’d spent the first month apologising profusely, and only being met with cold silences, harsh glares, and a list of chores longer than the metal rods in his leg. After that, he’d stopped trying.

Now the silence was preferable, because it meant he was alone. It meant he wasn’t subjected to the glares and harsh whispers. It meant his brain could shut off from telling him how worthless he was, even for just a short time.

It meant he could relax, however temporary.

The silence today however, was broken all too soon.

He heard the sound of Captain Nash – he hadn’t been ‘Cap’ in a long while – first, plodding up the stairs to either his office or the kitchen. Buck allowed himself another minute of reprieve to finish his current job – reloading the ambo’s equipment – before going up to meet him. Better he see Buck’s in early and working hard than think anything else. Still, his hand hesitates at the door.

“Buckley?”

His hand falls, tentatively pushing the door open. “Captain Nash. I just wanted to get my chore list for the day. I’ve already restocked the ambo and checked over the equipment on the trucks…”

He’s so nervous that he misses the way Bobby twitches at the use of his full title – doesn’t see the curled fist around his pant leg. He does however see the furrowed brow and look of… worry? He almost shakes his head, because that can’t be right.

But then Bobby says, “How are you, Buck?” which catches him completely off guard. Whether it’s the compassion or the use of his nickname – the first time in months – it sends him reeling, and he almost has to grab the door frame for support.

“Um… fine…” Was this a trick? Another way to try and bench him for good? “Perfect. Really.”

Bobby doesn’t look convinced. “Are you sleeping?”

“Of course, yeah.” Buck swallows. “If this is about me coming in early, I just…”

“It’s not. I just… It’s good.” He shuffles around the papers on his desk, handing one to Buck.

The day’s chore list. Buck almost sighs in relief, turns to go. He tries to convince himself Bobby’s quiet “I’m here if you need me, Buck” is nothing more than his imagination – wishful thinking.

He knows it’s too much to hope they’ll ever care again.

He knows he’s not worth it.

The day’s progression steadily declines from there. Chim is the only one who still speaks to him, and even then Buck’s pretty sure it’s only because of Maddie. He misses the way Hen used to mother over him, misses the real brotherly banter with Chim, misses Bobby teaching him cooking… Mostly, he misses Eddie.

He’s not a fool to his feelings. He knows he’s in love with the man. Buck’s always been comfortable with his sexuality, even if he was never entirely open, and he knows this is nothing like he’s ever felt before.

He also knows he’s completely blown it.

Eddie doesn’t even let him see Chris anymore, never mind speak to him, and that one fact hurts Buck more than he’d ever care to admit. Chris was his world, just as Eddie was, and to now have neither of them was like being thrown into a compassionate black hole; it doesn’t quite rip you apart, leaves you still whole, still feeling, yet floating in a cosmic netherworld where you’re nothing but an insignificant speck.

That’s how Buck has felt this whole time really. Insignificant. Unimportant. Replaceable.

Alone.

Today however, was Chris’ birthday, and Buck had hoped that would make his former best friend a little more lenient towards him.

He should have known better. His attempt to join in the conversation about birthday plans is met with a withering glare from Eddie. He might have been able to handle just that, but the venomous words that followed “since when does my son concern you?” were harder hitting than a punch. He feels the wind leave him in one fell swoop, staggering back, tears springing to his eyes.

“Can you… Can you just… give him this for me?” He gingerly places the small box he’d been holding on the table. They’d been in the common area talking when Buck had climbed the stairs for a coffee.

Yet Eddie doesn’t pay the box one moment of attention before sweeping it to the floor. “He doesn’t need anything from you.”

Buck’s pretty sure that’s the moment he can pinpoint his heart shattering in his chest. He can almost hear the impact, the crack, the explosion, leaving him with a sharp ache he’s pretty sure will never fade. Still, he pastes on a mask, pulls himself together, and nods. “Fine.”

He’s down the stairs before anyone can say anything more, and if he spends the next ten minutes locked in a bathroom stall, no-one either sees or cares.

**Danny**

Not once in the past 10 years has Danny Williams ever needed to question his relationship with Steve McGarrett.

Sure it’s changed, morphed through the time they’d spent together, the hardships they’d endured, the blood they’d shed, but never once had Danny questioned it. After all, they’d always just been Steve and Danny – partners, brothers, best friends. Always on the same page and always there for each other.

Now… Now Danny’s not so sure. Everything he’d once thought to be fact, was now morphing slowly into thoughts of fiction.

The problem was, it wasn’t for the first time either. He’d gone through a rough patch only a few years ago, after learning that Charlie was actually his son, and then donating part of his liver to Steve. There had been a dark few months where he’d felt like the people he was supposed to call his family – his ohana – were anything but. It had been one of the lowest points in his life, and it was only by the strength and compassion of one particular friend, that he’d been able to get through it.

This time though, Danny knew he couldn’t rely on Evan Buckley. Buck was going through his own problems, and Danny didn’t want to burden him with any more. So, this time, all he could do was sink deeper into the black.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think Steve cared. Of course Steve cared. He didn’t even need to hear the recounts of Steve holding him for dear life on the way to the hospital, or how he’d literally prayed for god not to take him, to know that. Steve always cared.

The problem was that Steve didn’t think.

He didn’t think that maybe Danny needed him after literally being kidnapped and tortured.

He didn’t think that Danny needed him after nearly dying.

He didn’t think that Danny needed him. Period.

Right now, Danny needed Steve, and Steve wasn’t even picking up the damn phone.

So Danny slept and woke and ate and took his meds and slept and woke and…

The phone rings, and he doesn’t even stop to look at the ID before picking it up.

“You’re a selfish son of a bitch, you know that?”

The laugh on the other end is strangled, broken by a hiccupping sob. “Th-Thanks, just what I n-needed to kn-know.”

He freezes. His whole body seems to turn cold, heart thumping loudly in his ears. “Buck?”

There’s another sob, quieter but somehow worse. “H-Hey Danny.”

“Buck, what’s wrong?” He knew there’d been issues with his team at the firehouse; had heard what was going on. This seemed like something more. “Are you okay?”

“D-Define okay?”

The tone of his voice has Danny switching gears almost immediately. Gone is the self-deprecating Detective missing his partner, and in his place is the over-protective dad, brother and friend. “I’m gonna need more than two words, Bucky. What’s going on? Do you need me to come to LA?”

There’s a pregnant pause, as if Buck’s weighing Danny’s words or considering his own. A soft breath follows, then, “I’m okay, I just… I need a friend.”

“You’ve always got me, Buck.”

“They hate me, Danny, and I… I don’t know what else I can do to try and make it right.”

“Listen to me Buck. You did nothing wrong, okay?” He finds himself sitting up straighter, hand clenched around the phone. A very large part of him wants to go and kick the asses of anyone who would make Buck feel like this, and it instinctively makes him think of Steve again. His heart pangs. “If the roles were reversed, they would have done the same thing, so if they’re being stubborn asses, that’s on them.”

There’s another muffled sob. “It hurts Danny. It hurts too much and I just… I don’t want to hurt anymore…”

Fear seizes Danny’s chest, and he grips the phone tighter. “Buck, are you safe right now?”

“I’m at… I’m…”

“Are you safe?”

“…Yes.”

“Okay. Good.” There’s a long silence between them. All Danny can hear is Buck’s soft breathing down the phone, but it reassures him nonetheless. Then – and he’s not entirely sure how or why he thinks it, but as soon as he says it, he knows it’s the right thing;

“Come to Oahu. Come work with Five-0.”


	2. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck contemplates Danny’s offer. Danny worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments on chapter one! This one's a bit short, but they do get longer! :)

**Buck**

_“Come to Oahu.”_

The choice should be so damn simple. His team – once his family – don’t care about him anymore. ‘Why should they really’, he finds himself questioning bitterly, ‘what did I ever do except give them grief?’

The more rational part of his brain tells him he did a lot for them. It reminds him of everything he did to help Eddie with Christopher, the sleepless nights screaming out for him after the Tsunami, wanting nothing more than to know the boy was safe. It tells him of everything he did to find Maddie, to save Maddie – to save Bobby, May, help Michael, Athena, Hen and Karen…

It’s the traitorous part that reminds him that none of them are here to save him now.

Isn’t that the kicker, really? Deep down, that’s the source of it all. For all Buck has done for his so-called ‘family’, they weren’t there for him when he needed them the most. Worse, it was Bobby who stopped him from coming back – Bobby who made him feel worse than the whispers conjured by his mind could ever do. It was Bobby who went behind his back, who forced Buck’s hand.

Yet it’s Buck who’s left alone.

Even Steve, once his best friend and forever his confidant, had yet to return his call.

It seemed no-one had the time for Evan Buckley.

_“Come to Oahu.”_

No-one but Danny Williams, that is.

His relationship with the Jersey native was a strange one. They’d only met a half dozen of times, on the vacations Buck had taken to see Steve, but they’d gotten on surprisingly well – even in spite of Buck’s ‘Steve like’ tendencies. The cinch had been around four years ago, before Buck had joined the 118, when he was still in South America. Danny had called him late one night, and Buck had been able to tell immediately by the man’s unsteady breathing that something was wrong. A panic attack, one that he’d had to coax the man down from using the skills he’d learned in the SEAL’s. It was only after, when he’d innocently queried why Danny had called him of all people, that the older man had reluctantly explained everything that had been going on in Five-0; how alone he felt.

Being Danny’s confidant then had been a position of privilege, and one of the main reasons why Buck hadn’t hesitated in calling him the previous night. He knew he could count on Danny to be his in return. The man’s initial opening hadn’t been what Buck was expecting, but he supposed it had probably been meant for Steve – those two butted heads more often than they saved each other’s asses. Still, Danny’s protectiveness had warmed Buck, and talked him down off the ledge he’d been precariously balancing on.

The offer however, that was something Buck hadn’t been expecting at all. He’d gone from watching the stars atop his building, too close to the edge for comfort, to being the personification of a human burrito in his bed, gazing at the ceiling and wondering if he really could start over again.

Danny wasn’t just offering a holiday. That would be an easy yes – an easy get away, just for a while, with the hope things would cool down in his absence.

_“Come work with Five-0”_

It was a job offer.

It was a fresh start.

It was permanent.

He wanted to say yes, he really did, but he wasn’t sure if he could really give up the 118. Who wasn’t to say that in a month they’d have all forgiven him, and things would have gone back to normal?

Its only when he glances over at his phone, clicks open a notification that Maddie’s posted something, and sees Christopher’s face beaming back at him, that the last of his resolution cracks. The faces of every single person he’d once called family, their expressions showing nothing to indicate that he was missed at all, staring back at him are the last straw. Blinking back tears he deletes his account, deletes the app entirely, and then sends a single text before he can talk himself out of it.

_“I’m in.”_

**Danny**

Steve has always been the impulsive one, not Danny, yet as soon as he offered Buck the open position on Five-0, he knew it was the right thing. Not just for Buck, but for both of them.

He can’t say he wasn’t holding his breath for Buck’s response, or that he exhales quite forcefully when Buck mutters something about thinking about it and then says he’s going to bed. He can’t say he doesn’t wonder how bad everything might have gotten when he hears the tell-tale clang of a fire escape closing before Buck wishes him a good night and hangs up.

He can’t say a part of him isn’t wanting to run to L.A. right this second.

He lies awake for the next few hours, absentmindedly flicking through the L.A. news reports about the bombing, the tsunami – about Buck at all. It gives him more questions than answers, if he’s honest, and only tightens the worry in his chest over Buck’s mental state.

He’s been there; knows quite well how intrusive thoughts can be, how comforting the black can seem. He also knows how much he owes Evan Buckley for pulling him back, and knows he’ll do everything to extend the same care.

He knows he’ll do everything to get Buck over here, with him, with them; with people who can be his family too; his Ohana.

He just needs Buck to say the word.

The text comes through around 3am, and even through gritty, tired eyes, he can see the words as clear as anything.

_“I’m in.”_

He can’t stop the grin that forms on his face, quickly typing back;

_“How much time do you need?”_

_“As little as possible.”_ Then, _“How are you still awake?”_

_“How can I sleep when Bucky needed me?”_

_“You’re a good friend Danny.”_

_“So, Saturday?”_

A minute passes, and he almost wonders if Buck had fallen asleep, then;

_“Saturday.”_

_“Get some rest Buck.”_

_“You too.”_

He would be lying if he didn’t say he slept with a smile for the first time since Steve left.


	3. The Resignation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck hands in his resignation. Bobby wonders where he went wrong. Danny prepares for Buck’s arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for all your wonderful comments! Please enjoy chapter 3 :)
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.

**Buck**

Morning came all too quickly, and with it the familiar headache of having drank a little too much, and slept not enough. Immediately he’s assaulted with memories of the previous night, but he pushes them away just as quickly. He doesn’t want to say he’s better, fine, or that he isn’t hurting anymore, because that would be a lie. But the thoughts that had assaulted him whilst under the stars, the comfort of the night, were long gone.

There is someone who wants him, a team who can use him, and while it does nothing for the pain caused by the 118, it gives him a necessary distraction; a new road to travel instead.

He’d have been a fool to say no to Danny’s offer. It wasn’t perfect, but it was certainly better than what he had here, and who knows – in time, maybe it could be perfect?

There had been a time when he’d thought the SEALS were everything, and while he’d kept in contact with Steve, losing everything else had been a pain he’d thought he’d never recover from. But he did. He found the 118. Now, as much as it felt like another loss he’d never get passed, he knew he would, if he just gave something else a try.

Danny was giving him that, and he was never more thankful to have the elder Williams in his life, than right then.

So, brushing away the remnants of the previous night and with an hour to spare before he had to get ready for work, Buck did something he hadn’t done in a long while.

He cleaned his apartment.

By the time he was dressed and out the door, coffee in hand, the apartment looked spotless. Gone were the piles of discarded clothes, the old takeout cartons and his knocked over bottle of pain meds. Gone were the whiskey bottles hidden beneath the sink. Gone was everything he’d sunken into in his despair.

That morning Evan Buckley vowed to be a new man.

If he had a slight skip in his step at the prospect of this being one of his last days at the 118, who was anyone to call him out?

Yet pulling up to the station itself was somewhat surreal. This building, which had meant more to him in the past three years than anything else, suddenly looked like a shell of everything he’d thought it to be.

Gone was the lure of the shining trucks, their melodious bells and neon lights. Gone was the pull of family, warmth and happiness.

Instead, Buck simply felt sad for all he’d lost, yet relieved to have decided to write the final chapter on his own terms.

Pulling into park and grabbing his bag, he was surprised to walk in and find Hen watching him with shining eyes.

His brow furrowed at the sight, wondering what could be bothering her. For a minute, he wondered if he needed to be worried – if something had happened to Bobby, Chim, Eddie… - before he realised that it simply wasn’t his problem anymore. Harsh as that may seem, it wasn’t as if any of them had cared about him lately.

His memory reminded him of Bobby the previous morning, of the concern the Captain had seemed to show, but he shrugged it off. 48 hours left and he was done.

So, turning his back to Hen, he headed straight for the locker room to change and got started on his chores.

The next 48 hours were much of a blur. Hen had strangely tried to talk to him before being interrupted by a shout. By the time she got back Buck had been ensconced in the bunk room on his break, writing up his resignation letter on his tablet, and she hadn’t chosen to disturb him. By the time he was done, her shift was over and she was long gone.

Whatever it was obviously hadn’t been that important.

The second 24 hours – a cover shift Buck had agreed to in trying to impress Bobby, but now regretted – was slow. He was reluctantly allowed on the truck for a house fire, being he was covering an active member, but even the excitement of getting back on the job, the adrenaline rush, did nothing for him now. If anything, all it served was as a sad reminder of what he’d lost.

His change in demeanour was obvious, because Bobby was eyeing him again with a strange look; somewhere on the borderline of concern but mixed with something else Buck couldn’t place. On any other day he might have cared, might have worried he’d done wrong again, but Buck had little care left for the 118 now.

Their shift was over by the time they’d gotten back to the station and showered the soot off of themselves. Letter in hand, Buck was already halfway up the stairs to Bobby’s office when the Captain called for him anyway.

“Captain Nash.”

Except, Bobby wasn’t the same as he’d been these past months. Gone was the hardened exterior. Now he simply seemed weary.

“Buck, take a seat.”

62 hours ago, Buck would have been concerned. Instead, he simply slid into the offered chair, envelope in his lap, and cocked a brow. “Something wrong, sir?”

Bobby was still eyeing him, almost cautiously. It was almost as if he was trying to peer inside Buck; to see what he was hiding. Funnily enough, all he was hiding was already laid out for Bobby within the letter. “I just wanted to check in with you. You seemed… off… on the call.”

Buck almost wanted to laugh. “Bit rusty I suppose.”

There was a definite flinch then, but Buck pushed his curiosity away. It didn’t matter if Bobby somehow cared now. It was too little, too late.

“Right.” Bobby didn’t seem convinced by the answer. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Something inside Buck just snapped. “You want to know the truth, Captain Nash? I haven’t been okay in a long while, but I am now, so…” _you don’t need to care_ , his mind supplied. _I don’t need you to. Not now._

There’s another flinch, barely perceptible, but Buck catches it. “You’ve gotten help?”

This time the laugh does actually bubble up and out. He’s so done right now, in so many ways. “Yeah… Yeah, I got help, from a good _friend._ ” He knows he’s spitting bullets now, but he doesn’t care. What are they going to do? “A _friend_ who reminded me that I’m not alone. Reminded me that I have _options_.” He tosses the letter onto the desk. “Captain Nash, effective immediately I resign from my post as an LAFD Firefighter.”

It’s the first time he’s ever seen Bobby speechless. This isn’t him throwing a tantrum in the hospital – saying he quits and knowing (everyone knowing) that he doesn’t mean it. This is bright, cold fury in his eyes, venom on his lips. This is all the hurt he’s felt leaking out from everywhere.

This is Evan Buckley finally breaking.

The door slams shut behind him, and as he leaves through the bay doors he can hear Bobby calling after him.

He doesn’t look back.

**Bobby**

Robert Nash has never been good at admitting his mistakes. Even when he relapsed, when he knew the kind of hole he’d dug himself into, it had only been because of his team that he’d been able to ask for help.

If he admits it honestly, it was only because of Buck.

The kid had wormed his way into Bobby’s heart within weeks of being at the 118, and it was only an aftereffect of these feelings that meant Bobby had acted the way he had.

Now though, having taken in Buck’s ashen complexion the day before, the bags under his eyes, the way his frame was encompassed by his uniform, he knows he was wrong.

Hearing Buck speak so formally, so resigned – gone the cheeky misdemeanour – to him, almost broke Bobby. The hardened wall he’d put up melted instantly, and he found himself asking after the kid’s health for the first time in too long. Even his nickname had sounded foreign to his ears. The way Buck had seemed confused by the question too, simply broke Bobby’s heart.

They had messed up big time – he had messed up – and he wasn’t sure if they could ever put it right.

Still, he had to try.

So when the team had gotten together that evening for Christopher’s birthday – Buck noticeably absent – he brings up his observations with Hen.

It turns out he wasn’t the only one to notice the change in their youngest team member, but Hen too had been unsure of what to do; whether they even had any right to ask over him now, after ignoring him for so long.

They vow to do something to try and bridge the gap, a team dinner maybe, but everything goes to hell when Eddie hears them.

He seems to be the only one who’s still feeling nothing but anger towards Buck, and Bobby isn’t entirely sure why.

Their argument – if that’s what it can be called – seems to carry across the garden as everything comes to a halt, broken only by the quiet words of the birthday boy himself.

“Is Buck coming?”

Eddie’s attention is then focused on his son, on some concocted lie about why Buck can’t make it, and Bobby feels his heart break again, this time for Christopher. The young boy is beside himself, and with that all thoughts of planning a reunion with Buck are gone. Instead they’re focused on bringing a smile to Christopher’s face.

It takes two games of pin the ladder on the fire engine, the happy birthday song, and cake, before Christopher breaks into a true smile. As the hours tick on, hundreds of photos taken, not one of them remembers that someone else should have been there with them. Not one of them realises that a picture can always speak a thousand words.

When the next morning rolls around, Bobby reminds himself to finish his conversation with Hen. The two manage a few words over Bobby cooking breakfast, agreeing to invite Buck to separate outings, so as to not overwhelm him initially, and go from there. He sees Buck enter maybe fifteen minutes later, sees the way he all but ignores Hen’s cursory glance, and there’s a knot in his stomach that forms instantly.

Something is wrong.

He doesn’t get much chance to check on Buck however, between a retinue of shouts and a mountain of paperwork, but does keep his eye on him. If anything, despite the somewhat odd encounter between them in the morning, Buck seems to have a spring in his step, and Bobby hopes it’s because Hen asked him to lunch.

He hopes this is the turning of a corner for them.

The knot persists.

When the first shift ends and Hen is leaving, he sees her give him a small shake of her head, and his initial elation dissipates. It’s clear from the motion that she didn’t get to talk to Buck.

Still, he had seemed happier, so maybe it was Chim who said something.

Bobby can’t help but pray that it was actually Eddie.

The second shift brings another slew of calls, and as soon as he gets chance – as soon as more than the ambo is needed – he doesn’t hesitate to bring Buck on the truck.

The sight should have brought him some joy, yet Buck is quiet and reserved. His usual energy is gone, almost as if he isn’t even there.

“Buck?” He calls the kid gently, but receives no answer.

Anything positive he’d been feeling is gone then.

Buck performs beautifully at the call – as if he’d expected any less – but his vigour is still MIA, and he retreats back into himself once they’re on the truck again. Bobby can’t help but wonder what’s going on in his mind.

He vows to find out.

The end of the shift comes with a slew of hot showers and grey drains, and Bobby seizes his chance when he sees Buck coming.

“Captain Nash.”

The formality makes Bobby sigh inwardly. “Buck, take a seat.”

Buck slides into the offered chair, and cocks a brow. “Something wrong, sir?”

Bobby finds himself just watching Buck for a long moment. The sudden confidence is familiar but off-putting. “I just wanted to check in with you. You seemed… off… on the call.”

“Bit rusty I suppose.”

“Right.” He doesn’t believe him; knows there’s something more to it than that. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Just like that, Buck seems to snap. “You want to know the truth, Captain Nash? I haven’t been okay in a long while, but I am now, so…”

 _So what Buck?_ Bobby thinks, simultaneously taken aback by the anger and overcome with worry. _What have you been thinking?_ He swallows. “You’ve gotten help?”

The laugh that escapes Buck is something dark and frightening. “Yeah… Yeah, I got help, from a good _friend._ A _friend_ who reminded me that I’m not alone. Reminded me that I have _options_.”

Bobby knows he deserves that; knows they haven’t been much of anything to Buck recently, never mind friends. Still, it hurts to hear. Then there’s a thump as Buck tosses a letter to him, and Bobby can suddenly hear his heart pounding in his chest.

“Captain Nash, effective immediately I resign from my post as an LAFD Firefighter.”

There are no words he can speak in that moment. Nothing he can say to change what is right in front of him.

This is Evan Buckley finally breaking.

This is the havoc they have wreaked with their callousness.

The door slams shut before Bobby can even take a breath, and he jumps up, pulls it open, and shouts after the kid with everything he has.

Buck doesn’t look back.

**Danny**

It was only two days after Steve’s departure when Danny moved back into his own home. He couldn’t stay at the Lanai any longer, not when the ghosts of Steve haunted his every moment. Two weeks on and he’d developed some sort of routine. His injuries were still plaguing him a little, but considering he’d had major surgery and almost died, it was to be expected really. He was on track with his recovery and ready to get back to the job that meant so much to him.

The only problem was that he knew Steve wasn’t going to be there.

The positive however, was that Buck would be.

From the moment Buck had accepted the offer, Danny had felt so much lighter. Whether it was knowing he could take care of Buck rather than worrying about him an ocean away, being glad he’d have one of his closest friends by his side, or both, he wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter though. Buck was coming, and he couldn’t wait to see him.

It was a bright and sunny Thursday, the 15th day after Steve had left – 22nd after he’d been shot and left for dead – when Rachel dropped Charlie back at home. To say that Danny had missed his son would be an understatement, and he was so glad to be ready to care for him again. He still used his cane from time to time – still got tired fairly easily – but his mobility was barely limited now, his pain manageable, and he needed his little man back by his side. Not to mention, he had some very special jobs he needed Charlie’s help with.

He’d spent the day before tidying out enough of the house that Buck would not only have his own room but his own space in the kitchen, garage, living room and bathroom. Now he needed to make it feel like home.

“Danno!” Charlie’s cry brought a grin to his face as he knelt down and caught his son in a big hug.

“Hey buddy. I missed you.”

“Missed you Danno.” Charlie parroted, hugging him tighter.

He said a quick hello and ‘I’m fine’ to Rachel, thanking her for taking Charlie while he got through his initial recovery, and then she was gone.

The first job on his list was getting Charlie one of his favourite snacks – honestly, he ate more than Steve – but after that they sat together on the couch while Danny asked him. “Do you remember Buck?”

Charlie’s face screwed up in concentration for a moment too long, so Danny prompted. “He came to Uncle Steve’s for new years and brought you that cool remote control car.”

Charlie’s eyes lit up at the mention of one of his favourite toys. “Yeah!”

Danny laughed. “Well, Buck’s gonna come stay with us and I need your help to decorate his room so it feels like home. Can you do that?”

“Yeah!” Charlie beamed. “Is he gonna be part of our Ohana?”

Danny could not love his son any more than right then. “I hope so buddy. He’s been pretty sad for a while, so it’s our job to help him feel happy again.”

“I could make him some drawings?”

“I think he’d really love that buddy.” Hugging Charlie again, he took his boy’s hand and led him to the front door. “Maybe you can do those after dinner? Right now, we need to go to the store.”

The rest of the day was spent picking out paint and new furniture, and painting Buck’s room. If Buck noticed the small blue handprint on the back of the bedroom door, he was going to say it was a masterpiece courtesy of the great Charlie Williams, but he doubted Buck would have a problem with it at all. If he realised that it was the first day he’d barely thought about Steve at all, he wasn’t going to complain.

When evening rolled around and Charlie was ensconced in making pictures for Buck, Danny decided to video call him, knowing Buck would have just finished his last gruelling shift, and probably could use a friendly face.

The smile that greeted him – tinged with sadness but a heck of a lot warmer than the voice he’d heard 60 odd hours previously – made Danny’s heart swell. “Hey Danny.”

“Hey Bucky. How’d your shift go?”

There’s a moment where Buck looks away, but it’s barely a second before he’s smiling back at Danny again. “I feel okay.”

“I’m glad. I was…”

“Danno!” Charlie’s shout from across the room interrupts him. “Is that Buck?”

“Yeah it is. Do you want to say hi?”

In less than three seconds Charlie is at his side and beaming into the camera. “Hi Uncle Buck!”

In that moment, Danny’s pretty sure his heart skips a beat. Judging by the sudden sheen in Buck’s eyes, he’s pretty sure he wasn’t the only one either.

“Hey Charlie!” Buck’s grinning wider than Danny’s ever seen, and he’s so thankful of his son’s huge heart. “How are you doing bud?”

“I’m making you something for when you get here!”

“Really? Well I can’t wait to see what it is!”

“I can’t wait to see you!”

Buck wipes a tear away, still beaming at his son. “I can’t wait to see you either. I’ve got you an extra special present too.”

“Really?!” Charlie shrieks.

Buck’s laugh is like music. “Of course. I never visit without presents, and seeing as I’m staying this time, it has to be extra special.”

“Thanks Uncle Buck!”

“No, thank you Charlie.”


	4. The Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck talks to Maddie. Bobby breaks. Danny talks to the rest of Five-0.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All your lovely comments are making me feel so good right now, so thank you! Enjoy chapter four!
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.

**Buck**

The next morning was more than a little odd, Buck had to admit. Waking up and knowing that he wasn’t going to the fire station, not because it was his day off but because he’d resigned, left a hollow in his stomach that he tried to ignore. Yet the promise of what tomorrow would bring was more than enough to rouse him from the comforts of his bed and bring him down into the kitchen.

He honestly couldn’t wait to get to Hawaii. What had never before seemed even a thought in his mind had now become his lifeline, and he couldn’t be more grateful. Yes he would miss L.A. – would especially miss Chris who, despite the party photos, Buck knew would miss him too – but he knew he couldn’t stay any longer.

Hawaii could become his home – Five-0 his family – and if last night’s phone call was anything to go by, it might not even take that long at all. He’d always loved being around Danny’s kids – just as he’d loved being around the 118’s – and playing the part of ‘fun Uncle’ but his visits had always been brief, and he’d never been officially graced with the title. Even in L.A. Chris called him Buck.

To hear Charlie grace him with the title of ‘Uncle Buck’ had warmed the fragments of his tattered heart and brought tears to his eyes. For the first time in months he’d felt nothing but love, and he vowed then to be the best Uncle anyone could ask for.

His first task of the day, helped along by a strong carafe of coffee, was packing. Danny had managed to get him an early morning flight – ‘the sooner you’re here, the better’ the text had read – so he only had the day to prepare everything.

In reality, he didn’t pack much beyond his clothes and essentials. A few books, DVD’s and his games console, the present he’d originally picked out for Charlie’s birthday the following month, and a single photo frame of the 118 team. Everything else was either unnecessary – being he was living with Danny, at least for the interim – or too painful. If he was going, it was going to be a fresh start. It had to be. The single frame would remind him of what he’d had – how he’d become the person he was now – but everything else was history.

Once the two suitcases and his hand-luggage were filled and left by the door, he set about packing everything else into boxes and calling a storage company to come and get them. The pick-up time was scheduled for any point during the day so, stuck indoors but wanting to tick off as much as he could, Buck asked his landlord to come meet with him.

She was sad to see him go but accepted the next month’s rent in advance and told him to just leave the keys on the counter. Then, with a big motherly hug, she wished him all the best and told him to keep in touch. The gesture brought tears to his eyes once more, and all he could do to keep them at bay was focus on the next item on his list.

The day progressed with that mantra; don’t think, just do. If he thought about it too much, he knew he was going to break down. He wanted to go, needed to, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Once the storage company had collected most of what was left, Buck took the rest to the charity shop, and brought any food beyond what he needed to one of the shelters. By the time he returned to the mostly empty apartment, he was exhausted.

There was just one thing left, and it was definitely the hardest.

Maddie.

He could say he cared little about the 118 now, and it would mostly be true, but Maddie was his sister. As much as she’d hurt him too, as much as she’d played her part, he knew he had to talk to her in person. He wouldn’t tell her where he was going – that was a sure fire way to find no peace whatsoever – but she deserved to hear it from him nonetheless.

The phone rang three times before she picked up.

“Evan. What’s wrong?”

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, even though she couldn’t see him. Why did she always have to assume he was in trouble, or had done something wrong? “Nothing, I just… I need to speak to you. In person.”

“That’s not worrying.”

“Maddie.”

“Okay, whatever you need Buck.”

If only she’d had that attitude sooner, he thinks bitterly, rather than simply assuming he was being childish.

“Are you free tonight?”

“I’m on shift. I can come around in the morning?”

His flight is at 10.30am. “Don’t worry, I’ll come see you about 8?”

“Sure. I’ll make breakfast.”

“It’s not… It’s not really a breakfast thing.”

“Buck…”

“It’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hangs up before she can say anymore, cards his hand through his hair, and calls Danny for some courage. When the next morning rolls around, he knows what he’s going to say, how she’ll react, and how quickly he just needs to be out of there.

Maddie’s house – once warm and inviting – feels as cold as the station had. The bell is shrill as he waits for the door to open, and when his sister draws him into a hug, it takes everything he has not to just pull away.

The taxi is waiting. He has to do this quick.

Like a band aid.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” She leads him into the kitchen – she’s prepared breakfast anyway – but he declines a seat, standing as far away from the island as possible. It doesn’t help that Chim is there, eating his pancakes and pretending that he’s not intruding on their conversation.

Her eyes are watching him so expectantly. He has to swallow against the stickiness in his throat before he can speak. “You know that the past few months have been… tough, and I’ve… I’ve not been good.”

“You made some mistakes but,” She’s moving closer, hand outstretched. “you just have to work to make up for it.”

He all but flinches away from her touch. “Everyone made _mistakes_ Maddie. Not just me. Don’t…” He bites his tongue against his anger. It won’t help. It never helps. “I’m leaving.”

“The 118?” Maddie’s tongue clicks; annoyance and exasperation all rolled into one. “Buck that’s childish and immature. Running away doesn’t…”

“Would you just stop for once!” He’s so damn tired of everyone blaming him for it all; of everyone refusing to just stop for one second and see his side of this. “God dammit Maddie, this isn’t all on me!”

“Buck…” It’s Chim who tries to intervene then, but Buck shuts him down with a look.

“I didn’t come here to explain myself. Not that any of you have even given me chance. I came to give you the decency of me actually telling you that I’m leaving. Not just the 118. L.A. For good.”

He’s actually surprised at Maddie’s expression. She’s gaping like a fish out of water. Chim doesn’t look any better.

“You’re leaving?”

“I can’t stay here. I have no reason to.”

“You have us.”

“Do I?” He shakes his head. “I haven’t had any of you for a while.”

To her credit, this time she doesn’t argue. “Where will you go?”

His lips quirk just slightly. “That’s for me to know.” Reluctantly, he draws her into a quick hug. “Stay safe Maddie. I love you. I always have.”

Then he’s out the door and into the still waiting taxi. As it pulls from the curb, he refuses to look back out the window.

This is it. He’s turned the page, and he’s excited for what comes next.

**Bobby**

Bobby isn’t entirely sure how he gets home that night. He remembers staring at the garage doors for longer than necessary, as if hoping that Buck would walk back through and say it was all a joke. He remembers the Gold watch captain asking if he was okay, when it took three calls of his name and a solid hand on his shoulder to move Bobby from the top of the stairs. He doesn’t remember much after that.

He comes to when he’s staring at the front door of his and Athena’s home, hand shaking as it reaches for the handle. His wife beats him to the punch, her face falling when she takes in her husband’s demeanor. In one second she goes from happy to worried, leading him inside and to the couch.

“Bobby? What’s wrong?”

He can’t form the words.

“You’re scaring me.”

That’s what knocks him round, blinking as he looks up at her, tears pooling in his eyes. “He’s gone.”

Athena’s gaze penetrates his. She doesn’t need to ask who he means. There’s only one person in this world who can draw such a reaction from Bobby Nash. “Buck?” Then his words dawn on her, and matched with his grey skin and haunted eyes, she finds her hand clutching at her chest. “What? How? When?” Her cheeks too are wet, and it’s only then that Bobby realises how it must have sounded.

“No… No… I mean…” He takes a breath, trying to order his thoughts. “He’s okay.”

Athena’s expression shifts as quickly as wildfire. “Robert Nash!” She hits his arm fairly hard. “Don’t you dare scare me like that!”

“He resigned, Athena. We pushed him away and now… he’s gone.”

“You know that boy and the firehouse are like a yo-yo. He ain’t gone for long.”

Bobby shakes his head. “You didn’t see him Athena. We… We broke him.”

She runs a hand over her eyes, other arm drawing her husband closer. “You and I both know he had a lot of explaining to do for what he pulled; a lot of making up to do. You did what you thought was best to show him he has to follow the rules, same as anyone else.”

“No. No, it went too far.” His gaze raises, as if expecting an answer from the heavens. “I let it go too far.”

Athena hadn’t been directly involved in the goings on at the firehouse, but she hadn’t questioned it either, assuming Bobby had everything under control. In hindsight, her motherly instincts had told her more than once to check on the boy, and now… now she wondered if she shouldn’t have ignored them so easily. “Tell me exactly what happened.”

So Bobby does, and with every passing moment Athena finds herself growing horrified at the treatment shown to the boy she’d long considered a son. When he’s done, when the tears have dried up and there’s nothing left but rattling breaths, Athena bundles her husband into bed and holds him close. “We’ll make it right.” She murmurs until he falls asleep, and only hopes they’ll get the chance.

When morning dawns, light filtering through the curtains to wake them, and Bobby’s phone rings with the familiar tone assigned to Chimney, Athena feels her heart stop.

When Bobby answers, his expression crumpling instantly, only able to relay to her three words – “Buck’s leaving L.A.” – she feels it shatter.

**Danny**

The palace is warm and inviting when Danny enters on Friday morning; his first day back since everything that happened with Daiyu Mei. It’s almost like the building is welcoming him back into the fold, glad he cheated death once again. The familiar whir and hum of their computer systems is comforting, even if there’s a distinct lack of Steve.

Tani and Junior are the first to shout their welcomes across the office floor, drawing him into big hugs. He can’t help but smile, hugging them back just as tightly, before going into ‘Danny mode’ and complaining about the lack of comfortable chairs in the palace. Junior just laughs and brings out his rolling desk chair from his office, hooking Danny’s cane onto the back.

“Okay.” Danny grins when everyone has arrived, knee bouncing excitably. “First order of business – I will be officially back on Monday; desk duty only and overseeing cases, but I’ll be here, so you can stop pestering Grover for all the boring stuff.”

Lou laughs heartily. It’s no secret that he hates the paperwork involved with running Five-0, however temporary.

“Second, though not the most exciting, who wants to take over Steve’s office?” He has his own reason for wanting someone else in there – nothing to do with Steve and everything to do with Buck – but he’d rather pretend he’s offering them an upgrade. “It’s bigger, and he left his fan.”

Their expressions are not what he’d expected. Sure it was the first time he’d been back since Steve left, but the rest of them had been working pretty much non-stop. Surely they’d realised it wouldn’t stay as Steve’s office. Each one of them glances uncomfortable towards him, and he realises instantly that they’re either worried about him, or expected him to take the office himself.

Activate Danny mode once more.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t want his hand me down. Probably smells like his aftershave, or farts, or both, knowing Steven. Besides I’m hardly going to exert myself moving everything around and having to reorganise. I’m a creature of habit. I’d probably spend the first month going to the wrong door just to spite him.”

It seems to set everyone back onto normal ground, because then they’re squabbling over who actually has seniority besides Danny. In the end, Grover takes the office, and Danny can’t help but be pleased that the choice frees up the office next to his own.

“So Boss.” Tani smiles his way, and the title knocks him off guard for a moment. He wonders if she noticed her mistake, but decides not to call her on it. Technically, it is true. The fact that she always said it in regard to Steve is something else. “What’s the most exciting news?”

Danny can’t help but grin.

“Well, we’re already a man down, and with me not able to take on field duty straight away, I thought it best to hire someone new.”

This time their expressions are exactly what he’d expected. Wary, apprehensive, and again worried. Danny holds back a sigh; did they really think he was going to crumble that easily? He’d put up with Steve for ten years, surely he could cope with his absence for three weeks. A tiny voice tells him he was already crumbling, before he was given someone else to worry about, but he pushes it away. “Some of you know Evan Buckley, Steve’s old Navy buddy?”

There’s a smattering of affirmatives. Tani actually looks excited, but he’s pretty sure she’s nursing a small crush on the firefighter.

“Well he’s looking for a new start, so I thought Five-0 would be perfect for him. I know it’s quicker than even I’d thought, but… without overstepping boundaries, Buck needs this. He needs us.”

He doesn’t have to say anymore. They can tell by his expression that it’s more than a little personal.

“He starts Monday. I’m picking him up tomorrow. I expect you all to be on your best behaviour children.”

The tension breaks just like that, and with a smattering of ‘old man’ jokes – though, really? He’s not even 40 yet! – they all disperse with smiles. He takes a moment to watch them, so thankful for these people in his life, and knows with absolute certainty that Buck will be okay here.

They’ll make sure of it.


	5. Hawaii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck endures a plane ride. Danny welcomes him home, and has a heart-to-heart. All but one of the 118 realise actions have consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter out. Most of the rest of the story is written, so updates should be more frequent. Enjoy!
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.

**Buck**

As he sits back in his seat, earbuds in place, the gravity of what he’s doing finally hits him.

He’s leaving L.A. for good, and there’s a chance he might not come back.

For a second, his stomach twists, knotting itself, and he wonders if he’s making the right decision. How does he know Hawaii is going to be any better? He’s not doubting Danny’s devotion to giving him a second chance, but the 118 had that same devotion, at one point in time, and now…

What if he was just delating the inevitable?

What if he was always meant to be alone?

The flight is just over five hours long and Buck knows he’s likely to second guess his decision the entire way there, so he pulls his phone out.

He must have just had signal as he boarded, because there’s one unread text waiting for him from Danny.

It has a picture of him and Charlie pulling silly faces at the camera, captioned with: “Can’t wait to see you!”

Buck grins.

“Your family?” The man next to him smiles, and Buck startles, slipping his phone back away.

“Err, no.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” The man shrugs. “I was just looking out the window.”

“Oh…”

“I’m Tom.” He smiles.

“Uh, Evan.” Buck hesitates, but offers a little smile.

“So, what brings you to Hawaii if not for family?” Tom asks, and Buck has to admit that he has pretty cute dimples.

Buck smiles genuinely this time. “A fresh start.”

Tom raises an eyebrow. “You want some advice?”

“Sure…” Buck’s not entirely sure that advice from a complete stranger will help him, but they’re going to be in close quarters for a while, so best to be friendly.

“Don’t let the past cloud your future.”

He thinks of Eddie, of his broken heart, and finds himself nodding. “That’s good advice.”

Tom grins. “Didn’t fail me.”

Buck cocks his head, interest piqued. “You got a story there?”

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” Tom’s still grinning, and Buck won’t lie and say his heart didn’t flutter a little. It’s been too long since someone had openly flirted with him.

So the flight passes with stories and a new friend, and Buck finds his anxiety easing quickly. When they land, he promises to keep in touch, and rushes off the plane and through security.

Danny and Five-0 might not be his family yet, but Buck’s sure they can be, and he’s determined to give it a chance.

**Danny**

Charlie will not sleep for his excitement, and so Danny finds himself bounced awake by his young son around 6am, and then having to pad into the kitchen to make pancakes.

His 8 year old is racing around the living room with way too much energy than should legally be allowed, with the very car Buck had bought him this past Christmas.

By the time they actually have to leave for the airport, Danny’s pretty sure he’d like to be back in bed. His own excitement at seeing Buck however, keeps him energised enough to wrangle both Charlie and the car into his Camaro.

The drive itself is mostly filled with Charlie describing all the places he wants to take Buck, and the things he wants to show him. “And maybe we could go surfing!” He finishes with, and Danny can’t help but laugh.

“You want Buck to take you surfing?”

“Yeah!”

Danny can just imagine the long limbed firefighter trying to stay upright on the Hawaiian waves, but then his subconscious reminds him of the Tsunami, and his smile soon fades. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea bud.”

“Why not?” Charlie asks innocently.

“Your Uncle Buck might not be too fond of the water. You can ask him, but just don’t be disappointed if he says no, okay?”

“Okay.”

The mood quietens a little then, but picks back up as soon as they pull up at the airport.

“Okay, you ready buddy?” Danny asks, helping Charlie out, followed by the banner he insisted they make and bring.

“Yeah!” Charlie’s grinning from ear to ear, one hand in his Dad’s, and one hand carrying the banner.

They quickly make their way into arrivals with fifteen minutes to spare. Danny entertains Charlie by playing eye-spy, but as soon as people start trickling out of the arrivals door, they’re watching for Buck.

Charlie has his banner lifted up proudly, stating “Welcome Home Uncle Buck!” while Danny’s bouncing up and down on his heels.

Sure enough, a familiar lanky form muddles through the crowds, a grin splitting his face, eyes sparkling when he sees Danny and Charlie.

“UNCLE BUCK!” Charlie all but screams, waving his banner proudly.

“Charlie!” Buck runs over, picking up the young boy and spinning him around. Charlie giggles, holding onto Buck tightly. When they’re done, he puts Charlie down and hugs Danny tightly.

“Thank you for being here.” He whispers into the crook of Danny’s neck.

Danny smiles. “Always Buckaroo.”

The drive home is spent with Charlie telling Buck exactly what he’d told Danny on the way to the airport, ending with asking if they can go surfing.

Danny can see Buck tense in the passenger seat, before he looks over to Charlie and smiles. “Sure buddy. Anything you want.”

“Buck…” Danny looks over at him briefly.

Buck just smiles. “Fresh start.”

Buck surprises Charlie with his new gift as soon as they get to the Williams residence, and Charlie is so over the moon with his fire station playset that he all but begs his Danno to help set it up, so they can play.

An hour and a lot of grumbling from Danny later, and Charlie is happily playing away, making lots of fire engine and police car noises. Danny can’t help but smile.

“Thank you.” He and Buck are sat at the kitchen island, nursing cups of coffee.

Buck shrugs. “Every kid should have his own fire station.”

“Not just that.” Danny says, hugging Buck with one arm. “Thank you for coming.”

Buck smiles, hugging him back. “You gonna tell me what’s going on with you and Steve then?” He asks softly, after a moment.

Danny sighs. “It’s complicated.”

“My whole life has been complicated.”

So Danny talks. He tells Buck about Daiyu Mei, and Steve leaving and how hard it has been to rebuild his life without Steve in it.

“You loved him.” Buck says, without hesitation.

Danny sighs. “I guess I did.”

“Not anymore?”

“I could ask the same of you and Eddie.”

Buck drains his cup. “Touche.”

“I think I always will but… he broke me Buck…” Danny rubs his face. “I don’t think I can get over that so easily.”

Buck pulls him into another hug. “How about we help each other?”

Danny hugs him tight. “That’s what family’s for.”

**The 118**

Bobby is morose when he wakes for shift that morning, and it takes a whole lot of nudging from Athena to get him up and to the firehouse on time.

It’s wrong of him, after all this time, but he can’t help but fixate on how wrong the firehouse is going to feel without Buck.

He also doesn’t look forward to telling Hen, Eddie, and the rest of the crew that Buck’s gone.

Chim – thankfully, Bobby supposes – starts the process for him however. When Bobby enters the firehouse he can see Hen speaking with Chim, her face a mask of horror, tears tracking down her cheeks. She rushes to Bobby immediately.

“Is it true?”

It takes Bobby a second to realise what she’s talking about. “What, Hen?”

“Buck… Has he really gone?”

Bobby sighs heavily, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I’d hoped to do this with everyone together.”

“So it is true?” Hen’s tears break Bobby’s heart, and he pulls her into a hug. “We screwed up, Bobby.” She whispers against his chest. “We know we did.”

“I know.” Bobby whispers back.

“How are we going to fix it?”

“I don’t know.” He answers truthfully.

The sounds of someone else entering the truck bay has then breaking apart.

Eddie looks at them with furrowed brows. “What’s going on?”

Hen sniffles, looking over at him. “Buck’s left L.A.”

Eddie startles, taking a step back. “What?”

The reaction warms Bobby a little. Perhaps Eddie was finally willing to put everything behind them. Perhaps they could still bring Buck back to them, in time.

Then Eddie’s face contorts in anger. “That selfish little… He doesn’t get his way so he quits, is that it?” He starts ranting in Spanish, fists clenched.

Hen tries to go over, putting a hand on his arm, but he just shakes her off.

“Good riddance.” Eddie spits, stalking off to the gym and immediately working out his anger on the bag.

Bobby’s heart breaks at the sight, because he knows – deep down – that Eddie doesn’t mean any of it. Bobby isn’t blind. He’s seen the way Eddie and Buck looked at each other, and the way they were with Christopher.

He recognises Eddie’s anger for what it is; fear of abandonment.

He understands.

Bobby just wonders how long it’s going to be before Eddie breaks too.


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck enjoys his first day on the job. Danny realises his mistake. Maddie calls Buck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for taking so long to update - I have most of this fic done, but just not the last chapter, this one, or the next, which is why I've been a bit slow. I promise updates will be more frequent now. Enjoy!
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.

**Buck**

He’s a bundle of nerves come Monday morning.

He manages to help get Charlie up, dressed, fed and off to school without feeling the urge to puke, but as soon as it’s just him and Danny, he can’t stop himself from being jittery.

Danny, for all he cares, can’t help but laugh. “Will you stop? The team’s gonna love you.”

Buck just shoots him a look, “You don’t know that,” and he’s sure Danny can hear the shake of his voice, feel the ebbs of fear radiating off of him, because he seems to understand immediately.

Pulling Buck into a hug, he smiles softly and says. “You are amazing, Buck. If they couldn’t see that, then that’s their problem, okay? But Five-0, we’re family, and that includes you now, got it?”

Buck can feel his eyes watering, and nods just slightly. “Okay.”

They’re off to the Palace a half hour later, and Buck feels a little calmer, even if his foot can’t stop tapping on the well of the seat. When they finally get there, he forces himself to take a deep calming breath, plaster on the grin of confidence he’d perfected so long ago, and then follows Danny inside.

They’re immediately greeted by the rest of Five-0, and Danny makes quick work of introducing everyone. Buck’s immediately thankful when one of the young girl’s – Tani – wraps him in a tight hug and says “Welcome to the team, Buck.”

It makes him feel warm inside, and gives him a sense of belonging he long thought had been taken from him.

Danny shows him his office, and Buck has to do a double take at that because wow – an office meant paperwork, and paperwork meant an actual serious job, and Danny hadn’t been kidding when he said Buck could have a fresh start there.

For a long moment he feels so overwhelmed and loved and happy that he could just kiss Danny.

He doesn’t.

He’s presented with his firearm and a holster, shown where their Five-0 range is for practice, and introduced to the smart table. He’s basically taken around everywhere in the building, and then Danny’s smiling softly at him, and it’s so sincere that the cracked edges around Buck’s heart start to soften.

“It’s gonna be a few weeks until I’m back on field duty, so you’ll be teaming with Tani and Junior for now, but when I’m back,” He clasps Buck on the shoulder, smile turning into a grin, “I’d love to have you as my partner.”

Buck almost cries. “I’d be honoured.”

Danny hands him his Five-0 badge, the metal catching in the light, and Buck stares at it in awe.

Danny’s hand is still warm on his shoulder when he says,

“Welcome to Five-0, Buck.”

**Danny**

Danny would be lying if he said he hadn’t been worried about Buck, but it was never in a ‘I don’t think he’s going to do well’ way, and more of a ‘I hope he feels okay because I want him to feel welcome and loved’ way.

Safe to say, he had little to worry about.

After the initial tour and presenting Buck with his shield – the tears in the younger man’s eyes then had almost broken Danny where he stood – the team was called back into their current case by a lead on their suspect.

Buck raced out with the rest of the team, leaving Danny behind to co-ordinate via the smart table (which yes, he did know how to use now, thank you!)

It was mostly a quick, clean chase, with exception of a few tense moments where the suspect managed to hold Tani at gunpoint.

Danny’s heart was in his mouth watching the body camera on the screen – watching from Junior’s perspective as the gun was pressed tighter against Tani’s unprotected side, her vest having been torn off and dropped to the floor in a cruel show of power.

Then Buck had appeared out of nowhere, legs wrapping around the man’s neck, hand grabbing for the gun and twisting it inwards.

The shot jars Danny, and for a moment he whites out, then his vision clears and all he can see on the camera is asphalt.

“Five-0!” He calls into his radio. “Junior! Tani! Buck! Come in!”

The radio crackles. “Suspect apprehended.” Buck calls, and Danny can honestly hear the shit eating grin the man must be wearing. “All fine.”

Danny curses under his breath about stupid SEALs with their stupid skills and reckless nature, but breathes a sigh of relief when Junior rises from what is the suspect’s body. He can see the whole team are unharmed, the suspect down but the wound packed – they can still interview him about his syndicate.

So much for a slow day at the office.

When the team return, having turned the suspect over to HPD, Buck and Tani are arm in arm, grinning at each other.

“You’re an idiot!” Danny rants as soon as he sees Buck, and for a long moment he feels like he’s back with Steve. “There’s nowhere in the job description that says you need to act like a reckless Neanderthal in McGarrett’s absence!”

Buck is laughing, and it just makes Danny more irate. “I had it handled, _boss_.”

Something in the tone eases Danny, just slightly, instead raising a flutter in his chest which he immediately ignores, sighing instead. “Debrief report Buck, on my desk at the end of the day, and next time… don’t be a god damn fool?”

He slinks into his office with a pounding head and a weary sigh, slumping down into his chair.

No, he was not at all regretting bringing Buck on board, and yet…

“Oh god, there’s two of them…”

**Maddie**

Nothing felt right since Buck had left, and even though it had only been a few days, Maddie was resisting the urge to call him.

She knew that they had all messed up, in so many ways, and that her brother deserved the space he was trying to put between them, but… it still pained her.

Each day she tried to fill her time with too many things to do. The less time she had to think, the better.

Yet as Monday night rolls around, the FireFam eating a meal in the loft upstairs at the firehouse, Maddie’s hand snug in Chimney’s, she feels the need to call him.

Excusing herself, she makes her way down the stairs to the truck bay, pulling out her phone.

It rings three times before it’s picked up.

“Maddie?”

She almost sobs with relief at hearing Evan’s voice. “Buck…”

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Of course his first thought is that, because when had someone ever called simply to check that _he_ was okay? It broke her heart into pieces, but she forced herself to push through, determined to talk to him, to apologise.

“Nothing’s wrong, I just… I miss you.”

There’s silence, and then a heavy sigh. “Maddie… I can’t do this right now.”

“I know.” She whispers. “I know… I just… I need you to know I’m sorry, and that I love you.”

He doesn’t say anything, and it speaks louder than any words he could have said. They’ve screwed up, royally, and she knows she doesn’t deserve the golden sunshine that is her brother.

“Buck, we…”

“Buckaroo! Popcorn’s ready!” A voice calls out, drifting through the speaker, and Maddie frowns, because she doesn’t recognise it at all. Who could he have met in such a short space of time, anyway, for them to call him by his beloved nickname?

There’s a scuffle, the excited cry of a child, and then Buck’s sighing again. “I gotta go.”

The line cuts out, and Maddie releases the sob that had been building in her chest.

He was gone, and she knew he was never coming back.


	7. Ohana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck finds Ohana. Steve hurts. Danny lets Steve go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments! I'm sorry it's taken so long for this chapter to be up, writer's block sucks, however the rest of the story is written so updates will be daily now! Enjoy! :)
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.

**Buck and Danny**

As Buck’s first week in Hawaii drew to a close, he found himself thinking less and less about L.A. Sure there were times when Eddie, Christopher, Bobby and others would enter his mind, but slowly he was learning to brush the thoughts away and enjoy working with his new team.

He was pretty sure he could heal, in time, and maybe the only crack remaining would be the one made by the absence of Christopher Diaz. The boy had wormed his way into Buck’s heart, the son he’d never knew he needed, and Buck was sure he would never be able to let him go; not really.

Charlie Williams however was doing a damn good job of helping him though.

He spent his days working on Five-0 cases with the team, and his evenings playing Jenga and video games with Danny and Charlie, grins stretched on each of their faces.

Slowly, he was building a new family here.

The Saturday brought a day off, and with it a family barbeque at Lou’s. The Captain had insisted they all come round to celebrate Buck joining Five-0, and Evan Buckley was never one to turn down a party.

The garden was filled with raucous laughter and good food, and Buck found himself easily having a good time. Charlie was the only younger kid there, but Buck was more than happy to keep him preoccupied with Will’s old swingset and treehouse, playing army and spacemen and whatever else Charlie could conjure.

Danny just watched on with a fond smile, completely missing Tani sidling up beside him.

“Looks like someone’s happy.”

Danny blinks, turning, then laughs. “He’s like a big kid himself.”

Tani just grins. “I meant you. Not missing a certain someone so much anymore?”

He knows she means it in jest, but it does bring back the sharp shock to Danny’s chest that yes, Steve isn’t here. They have their Ohana but it isn’t really complete, is it? Danny’s heart sure isn’t.

But he doesn’t need to tell Tani such things, so he just forces a smile. “Mm…”

Tani looks up at him, and there’s something in her gaze that makes him flinch away.

“You deserve to be happy, boss.”

Then she’s walking away, joining Buck and Charlie in whatever game they’re playing now.

He mulls over her words, watching his son play with the two of them; watching the way Tani interacts with Buck like a sister.

Maybe their Ohana isn’t so incomplete after all, he muses.

Smile returning to his face, he makes his way over to his boys, just in time to hear Charlie say;

“Are you gonna be our Ohana, Uncle Buck?”

The question is so innocent, and Danny knows it’s going to take Buck longer than a few days to truly answer that, but it’s a step in the right direction, and he loves the smile it brings to Buck’s face.

“I would love nothing more buddy.”

Danny grins. Yeah, maybe they have all the Ohana they need right here.

The party goes on well into the evening, with Danny and Buck leaving at around 9pm to put a tired out Charlie to bed.

The car rolls to a stop, and Buck’s out before Danny can even take his seatbelt off, opening the back door and scooping a very sleepy Charlie out.

The boy’s head lolls on Buck’s shoulder, but Danny can see the way his son’s arms are tight around Buck, as if worrying he might disappear. He can see the bright smile on the boy’s lips, snuggling his head into the crook of Buck’s neck. More importantly, he can hear the whispers as Buck tucks him into bed moments later, wishing him sweet dreams.

“Love you, Uncle Buck.”

“Love you too, Charlie.”

**Steve**

It’s been too long, is his first thought, as he stares at the phone screen. Specifically, it’s the contact page for one Danny Williams, and Steve’s heart cracks a little when he realises how absent he’s been.

Danny’s called him too many times for comfort, and Steve’s replied to none of them.

Sure there’s been texts, but nothing that constitutes an actually conversation.

Some friend he is.

Yet, as his finger hovers over the call button, something stops him from actually acting.

He’s scared, truth be told. Scared that Danny had called because something was wrong, scared to hear what he’s missed, scared to know if Danny’s actually missing him at all.

It’s almost wrong to think. After all, he’s the one who left.

But he knows – knew as soon as the plane touched down in California – that he’d made the wrong choice by leaving, yet pride had stopped him from turning back around.

Instead he’d made the best of things with Catherine, but nothing could compare now to the love he’d held for Danny. After all, that’s why he’d left in the first place. He’d nearly gotten Danny killed, and couldn’t bare the thought of losing him.

So he’d left instead.

He’d told himself he was protecting Danny from his past, that he was protecting his own heart from being torn to shreds, the way it nearly was when Daiyu Mei had called to say she had Danny.

In truth, he was only running away from himself.

Steeling his nerves, he forces himself to press the call button, waiting once, twice, before it picks up.

“Steve?”

Danny’s voice is melodic in his ears, and Steve wonders absently how he’d gone so long without speaking to him, and yet the clear confusion in his former partner’s voice hurts.

“H-Hey Danno.”

“You okay? Something wrong?” Of course that’s Danny’s first thought. Why wouldn’t it be when it’s the first time danger magnet McGarrett has called him since he left.

“No… No. I just… I wanted to check in.”

“Oh…” Danny’s silent for a minute, then clears his throat. “We’re good. Five-0’s keeping everywhere safe.”

Steve shakes his head, a light breath escaping him. “No… I, uh, I wanted to check on you.”

“Oh…” Danny’s silent again, and it cuts through Steve’s chest like a hot knife. “I don’t really know what you want me to say, Steve.”

“I…”

“Danno!” Calls a voice that is definitely not Grace or Charlie, and is of course not his own, and Steve has to wonder who else would have the nerve. The voice sounds familiar, but he can’t place it.

It’s only when Danny laughs in response, a clear indication he doesn’t mind it, that Steve feels his heart thump painfully.

“Yeah, don’t get your pants in a twist!” Danny calls back, before his attention is back to Steve, a sigh echoing down the phone. “I got to go. Stay safe, Steve.”

Steve chokes back a sob. “Yeah… You too…”

The line clicks, and Steve lets his phone fall to the bed with a thump.

He’d known it as soon as the plane landed, even if he didn’t want to admit it, but now…

He knows he’s lost Danny, and he knows it’s his fault.

**Danny**

The last thing Danny had expected that night was for Steve to call.

Buck is in the kitchen making popcorn for their movie fest – Charlie still fast asleep – when the phone rings, and he finds confusion bleeding into his tone as he answers.

Why would Steve be ringing him, now of all times?

He finds himself asking if the former SEAL is okay, because why else would he call, and is shocked when Steve admits he was calling to check in, not on the team though, just on Danny.

Pain shudders through his chest, tears forming under his eyelids as he pushes out. “I don’t really know what you want me to say, Steve.”

The other man doesn’t get chance to answer before Buck is calling for him to help with the popcorn toppings, and Danny can’t help but laugh, shouting back to him. For a moment he’s smiling, warmth bursting beneath his ribcage, and then he hears a stuttered breath down the phone, smile falling.

He sighs, mind made up in a millisecond. “I got to go. Stay safe, Steve.”

He barely hears the other man’s goodbye before he ends the call, falling back into the couch with a small sob. It hurts, but he knows he can never go back to before. He can’t be Steve McGarrett’s lap dog anymore, there when needed and tossed aside the next.

He can’t wait for him to come back, just hoping they might be okay.

He won’t.

Forcing himself off the couch, he moves into the kitchen to help Buck, warmth blossoming in his chest once more as Buck wraps him up in a tight hug. Danny finds himself relaxing in the embrace, lips tugging upward.

This is his Ohana now.

This is him moving on.

This is him letting Steve go.


	8. The Event

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six Months Later: Buck joins Danny on a trip back to L.A. to see Grace, but everything goes wrong very quickly. The 118 are shocked to see a very different side of Buck. Eddie regrets, and mourns the loss of what could have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the lovely comments guys!
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.

**Buck**

His leg is jittery the whole way to downtown L.A.

He’s jittery on the plane, despite the constant complaints from the person in front of him when his knee keeps hitting their seat.

He’s jittery when they’re at the luggage carousel, waiting for the single suitcase they’d brought.

He’s jittery at the taxi rank, and the whole time they’re in the car.

It’s only as they’re maybe a minute or two away from their destination that Danny calls him out on it, and Buck’s actually surprised he didn’t do sooner.

“Will you calm down?” Danny’s smiling, but Buck can tell he’s a little exasperated. “Please?”

Buck attempts a smile. “Sorry.”

“L.A.’s a big place you know?”

Then Danny’s hand reaches over, squeezing Buck’s knee, and he feels all of his tension fade away. It’s strange, how easily Danny – and Charlie – had slotted into Buck’s life; how quickly the pain from L.A. had faded into a dull throb that really only hurts when he thinks too hard about what he lost. A part of him wants to question it, wants to wonder why living with them is as easy as breathing, but the other part is just thankful, and doesn’t want to do anything that might upset the balance. So he squeezes back, and says. “You’re right. Besides, we’re here for Grace.”

Danny beams at the mention of his daughter, and before they know it they’re walking down the streets in downtown L.A., looking for the perfect gift for the college student before they meet up for lunch. “She’s just grown so much, you know?” Danny’s saying, but Buck’s pretty sure he’s more than a little stuck in his own thoughts. He hasn’t seen Grace in over 8 months, besides video calls, and is beside himself with pride and joy.

The warmth with which Danny speaks about Grace sends a jolt through Buck though. As much as he’s been around Charlie – as much as the youngest Williams reminds him so much of Chris sometimes – it’s hearing Danny talk about how much Grace has grown, that makes him really think about Christopher.

How much had he changed since Buck had left? Did he still remember him? Miss him?

He knows he has no right to feel that way, at least in part. He’d chosen to leave.

 _But Eddie took him away first._ His traitorous mind is both an enemy and a friend sometimes, and here it seems to be playing nice; trying to make him feel better. It only makes him feel worse.

Still, he pastes on a smile and listens to Danny’s rapturous retelling of a former Christmas. Like he said, they’re here for Grace.

Two hours later, after much shopping, debating, and maybe a sneaky donut, the pain has faded once more, and Buck finds himself incredibly excited to see Grace Williams. It was maybe two summers ago since he’d last seen her, and he was definitely in need of a Gracie hug.

As soon as they reach the diner Grace had said she’d be at though, his whole body turns to lead. Danny freezes beside him, hand grabbing painfully at Buck’s wrist.

The street outside is filled with cop cars, armed officers pointing directly into the building they’d been heading for.

Danny’s hand scrabbles for his phone, grip tightening as he reads the message that confirms Grace had arrived maybe thirty minutes ago. Without thinking, he starts yelling. “Grace! Grace!”

Buck barely unfreezes in time to grab him, hold him back from storming through the barricades set up. “Danny! Danny!”

“Grace…” Danny’s eyes are wild. “Buck, she’s in there…”

“I know.” He swallows, but forces Danny’s gaze to meet his. “She’ll be okay. She’s not your daughter for nothing.”

It turns out Danny isn’t one to calm easily in such a situation. “But she’s pre-med! She’ll try to help, she’ll…”

“Danny… You’re assuming someone is injured and let’s hope to god no-one is. She. Will. Be. Okay. I promise.”

Then he’s eyeing the building once more, a plan already forming in his mind. It’s stupid and reckless and way too much like Steve than he’d care to admit. But this is Grace. He’s lost way too much already. He’s not losing any more.

**Athena**

Athena Grant-Nash dreads any call like this. To be fair, most of the force do, but for Athena – for a mother – she takes it hard.

Hold-up in a diner. One teenage suspect, likely under the influence. Seven hostages, mostly young college students.

They’ve set up a barricade within minutes of arriving, and have armed officers ready. Now it’s a waiting game, and this is the part Athena hates the most.

Still, she’s professional, and remains situated at the front line, ready for anything.

Except a loud mouth Jersey native who seems to be screaming for someone several paces away. Rolling her eyes – because there’s always one – she starts to make her way over. What makes her stop is the silhouetted figure behind him – obscured, but looking very similar to the boy she’d lost half a year ago; the boy they’d let go.

For a long moment she freezes, mouth dry, because – if it is him – what does she say? Why is he even here?

Then she reminds herself that L.A. is a big place, that he _left_ , and that there is little chance that the other man could really be Evan Buckley. She moves forward.

“Sir, I’m going to need you to calm down and step away from the barricade.”

The man’s eyes are wild as he spins around to meet her. “My daughter… My daughter’s in there.”

“And we will do everything we can to ensure her safety, but right now…”

“That’s not good enough!”

“Sir…”

“We’ve got a kid in there lady!”

She knows he’s not thinking clearly, but this is the last thing she needs right then. She does not want to have to go around arresting people for obstructing them. The use of ‘we’ though has her looking to his friend – who has seemingly disappeared – and she just has to know. “We?”

“My partner.” He’s distracted, upset, but as he turns and realises just as she had that his partner has seemingly disappeared, his eyes widen. “Evan?”

Her heart skips a beat, because it just can’t be, then freezes entirely in her chest as the man’s eyes lock onto something above her shoulder. “EVAN!”

She turns, and sure enough there is Evan Buckley. He looks different; his hair is longer and he’s wearing civvies. What shocks her more is the fact that he’s scaling the side of the building like he’s some kind of god damn action hero, before slipping in through one of the upstairs windows.

Her hand is on her radio before she can even think. “Grant to Central Unit, we have a friendly on the inside. Repeat, we have a friendly inside.”

“God dammit, Buckaroo.” She murmurs, steeling herself and stepping away from the other man with a sharp, “You stay there!”

The Central Unit is chaos when she enters the trailer, and she can only watch with her heart in her mouth as Buck moves through the upper levels, then descends into the diner where the gunman waits.

“You know him?” Someone asks.

“Evan Buckley.”

**118**

Bobby’s heart is in his throat as the rig pulls up outside the diner. They’d been called primarily for the bus, but Bobby had opted to bring the truck too. Diners had propane tanks for their kitchens, and everyone knew that bullets and propane never mixed well. On the off chance of a fire, they would be needed.

He’s quick to relay everyone’s duties, even if it’s primarily for them to be ready for casualties. They’re prepared for this, however hard it can be.

What they aren’t prepared for is to see Athena trying to calm a short blonde man who’s ranting about having someone inside, and for him to then look to the building with a mix of horror and panic. “EVAN!”

Bobby doesn’t dare look. He can’t bring himself to, because it’s not Buck, it can’t be. The name is common, perfectly normal. It means nothing. Except there’s a voice in his mind that asks, who else would be stupid enough to put themselves into a hostage situation? He knows of only one person, the person he never thought he’d see again, and if it is… well, he can’t bear the thought of that either.

He’s seen Evan Buckley bleeding out way too many times than he’d care to even admit. He’s been there in the hospital for too many hours, waiting for updates and praying that he doesn’t lose another kid. It’s the whole reason why everything has happened the way it did, the reason why Buck left, why they pushed him away.

He can’t do it again.

He won’t.

So he doesn’t look.

He ends up not needing to, because the next thing out of Hen’s mouth beside a shocked gasp, is a small whisper. “Buck…”

The whole team can only look on in horror then as the police swarm around with shouts of “friendly inside. Hold fire,” followed by silence and then the distinct echo of three gun shots.

“Buck!” Hen is shouting, her voice clashing with the man’s call, “Evan!” and Bobby has to turn away; has to hold a hand to each ear and pretend none of this is happening.

Buck has to be okay.

They haven’t made amends yet.

The calls from the police of “Suspect disarmed. Move! Move!” are like an angel’s choir. They’re all moving then, taking the hostages as they leave and checking them over, giving oxygen, support, and comfort.

“He saved us.” One of them whispers as she’s having her blood pressure taken by Chim, and Hen has to look over, has to seek out Buck.

So does Bobby, even if all he can still feel is fear.

They find him on the other side of the barricade, sat on the edge of one of the ambo’s with a young blonde girl. His good arm is wrapped around her, and her head is resting on his shoulder, while his other arm is being bandaged. They watch as he presses a kiss to the top of her head, as the blonde man wraps them both in the tightest hug, and feel like they’re intruding on something that clearly doesn’t involve them in the slightest.

Its clear Buck has moved on without them, and it hurts.

**Eddie**

The past six months have been some of the hardest of Eddie’s life, and he knows it’s entirely his fault. Sure Buck made mistakes, but Eddie’s the one who made everything so irreparable.

He doesn’t even know why now, looking back. He knows why he was so angry at what Buck did, why he’d felt abandoned by the one person who was supposed to always be there for him. He knows it has nothing to do with Buck himself, and everything to do with the carnage Shannon left behind.

What he doesn’t understand is why he let it go so far. Why he refused Buck the ability to see Christopher. Why he hurt his son too. Why he was just so god damn immature.

No-one is perfect, he knows this, so why had he expected Buck to be?

Why had he pushed away the one good thing he’d had besides his son?

This, Eddie Diaz did not understand.

What he does understand however, is fear. When he hears someone scream Buck’s name, when he looks up at the fortified building and realises that not only is Buck there, right in front of him, but that he’s willingly entering a hostage situation, fear is all Eddie knows.

He can’t lose Buck. Not now. Not when he hasn’t apologised.

Not when he hasn’t told him he loves him.

That had been the kicker really. Realising that the reason he’d held Buck up to Shannon’s mistakes was because he loved him, more than he’d ever loved anyone else. Realising the reason he was so angry was because he felt betrayed and hurt.

Eddie just hopes, now that Buck’s here, that he’ll get the chance.

The sound of bullets are like shocks through his system, but he’s too frozen to shout, scream, or run. He’s too frozen to think anything other than ‘no.’

When the hostages are released, he moves without thinking, acts without thinking, his eyes trained on the doors as he waits for Buck to emerge.

It takes several long seconds before he does.

Eddie notices the blood first, soaking through Buck’s white shirt. It’s not much, most likely a graze, but he finds himself passing his patient off to another medic and walking towards Buck. He stops in his tracks when the blonde man starts shouting at him whilst simultaneously hugging him tight. They look close, as close as he and Buck once were, and it hurts to see.

What hurts more is the way Buck draws in the young girl who’d been stood at the man’s side, whispering into her ear and then pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He looks so damn relieved.

It reminds Eddie of how Buck had been with Chris. Suddenly, he has this gut wrenching feeling that Buck had replaced them. Suddenly, he understands where Buck had been coming from all those months ago.

He watches one of the medics check the two over, and bandage Buck’s arm. He watches Buck draw the girl in again, his eyes closed, content in their safety.

A shout from Bobby draws him away momentarily, and when he turns back, both they and the ambulance are gone.

**Danny**

This day sucked.

They’d gone from being happy – at least, as happy as Buck could be being back in L.A. – to be spending time with Grace, with so many plans for their two days, to feeling nothing but overwhelming fear. Even now, curled up together in his and Buck’s hotel room with some crappy B-movie on and a box of pizza, Danny did not feel content.

How many times had he been subjected to unexpected hospital trips with Steve? Now he had Buck to thank for them as well. It had only been routine, he tells himself, for Buck to get a few stitches and a shot. They’d been back out within the hour. It was still the last place Danny had been wanting to end up.

Grace, thankfully, was fine. A little shaken, but nothing compared to what could have been, and he had Buck’s stupid SEAL training to thank for that. The other man had been in and out in five minutes, the assailant disabled, and all the hostages unharmed. The only injury had been to himself, and it was only a minor graze.

Yet those five minutes had been some of the longest of Danny’s life.

He wasn’t quite sure how Evan Buckley had wormed his way so deeply into Danny’s heart – a heart he’d thought had been quite broken by Steve – yet he did. The man was so intrinsic to his everyday life now, he wondered how he could ever live without him. Hence the fear he’d felt when he realised what Buck was doing.

That cop though, she’d looked at him so peculiarly when he’d shouted Buck’s name. He’d been too distracted at the time, but now it made him wonder, had she known Buck?

It seldom mattered, really. They’d be back in Honolulu by tomorrow evening, and no-one knew Buck was there. No-one was going to get between the lives they’d made for themselves. Danny would make sure of that.

Glancing away from the TV to two of his favourite people, he’s surprised to find Buck watching him. Grace is cuddled between them both, asleep. Despite everything, she’d been ecstatic to see her Uncle Buck, and the day’s events had left her feeling a little clingy. Not that Danny minded; it made him feel like she was still his little girl.

“You okay?” Buck asks, keeping his voice low, mindful of Grace.

“Peachy.” He doesn’t mean to snap, but he’s feeling frayed.

Buck sighs. “You’re mad at me.”

“Damn right I’m mad.” He has to stop himself, slides off the bed, pads to the door. Buck follows and they ensconce themselves in the hallway outside. “What the hell were you thinking? I know I said you reminded me of Steve but god dammit, Evan, we could have lost you!”

“I knew what I was doing Danno.”

“Don’t.” The nickname has always felt right coming from Buck, but now… “Don’t patronise me, okay. I’m not a child, Evan.”

“Grace was in there. What else was I supposed to do, huh?” Buck’s pacing, raking his hands through his hair; it’s so much longer now than when he first moved to Hawaii. The Pennsylvania born man had embraced everything the islands had to offer, including several failed surfing attempts with Charlie. “Our girl was in there.”

Danny stops.

_“Our girl.”_

It sounds so natural when Buck says it like that, and he thinks back to his own comments earlier in the day.

_“We’ve got a kid in there!”_

_“My partner.”_

He’d spoken purely in a professional sense, but now… it felt right, and he wondered how they’d gotten there without either of them actually bringing it up.

Not that Danny was going to bring it up. Not now anyway. The day’s events had left them on edge; they didn’t need to shake the pot right now.

Still, he couldn’t help but turn his lips into a small smile. “You saved her Buck. You saved all of them, and I can’t be more grateful. But you’re also such an idiot.” He pulls him into a bruising hug, mindful of Buck’s arm. “I love you buddy.”

He can feel Buck relax against him. “Love you too, Danno.”


	9. The Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 118 find out where Buck’s been all this time, and Eddie vows to bring Buck back home. Buck’s ghosts haunt him. Danny provides comfort, and ends up with questions of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some cuteness and feels :)
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.

**Athena**

Sunday brings another retinue of cases and paperwork to Athena’s desk, but it’s one folder – one alone – that has her full attention.

The report from yesterday’s hold-up.

A few gritty pictures are included, and Athena finds herself staring at the prone figure of Evan Buckley – hands gripping for purchase on the old store’s window ledge – for way too long.

The initial police report says nothing that she didn’t already know, but the report from the hospital catches her eye. The first page is simply a copy of the doctor’s notes, stating Buck had received a shallow graze to his upper arm which had required four stitches and a tetanus shot. He’d been prescribed a mild painkiller, for one week, and had to return to his local clinic to have the stitches removed after seven days. Nothing of concern really, even if Athena was loathe to know he’d been hurt again.

The second and third pages are the most interesting. Athena had never used her position as an officer of the law to gain access to her friends’ pasts, Buck included, but the report was open knowledge for the precinct, and it revealed a lot more than Buck had once shared.

It also gave her an insight into what he’d been up to these past six months.

Officer Cole: Mr Buckley, what brought you to L.A.?

Evan Buckley: It’s Lieutenant, actually. I came with my partner, Detective Williams, to pay a visit to his daughter, Grace. She’s Pre-Med at UCLA. We agreed to meet her at the coffee shop she picked out, a few hours after our flight landed. We arrived to find you all already there.

Officer Cole: What made you decide to enter the building without authorisation?

Evan Buckley: Look, I’m sorry if I overstepped any boundaries. It was reckless of me. I know my badge doesn’t mean anything here. Danny was beside himself worrying after Grace, and I’ve lost too many people to stand back and just wait… I had to do something.

Officer Cole: But what made you think you had the capabilities to take on an unknown assailant? You were lucky to be the only one injured.

Evan Buckley: (Laughing) What made me think I…? I’d tell you to look up my record Officer, but I know you don’t have clearance for that. Let’s say three years in SEAL covert ops told me I had the capabilities to take down a drugged up teenager without any casualties.

Officer Cole: You said you’re a lieutenant?

Evan Buckley: Yep.

Officer Cole: And you’re in law enforcement?

(Mr Buckley shows Officer Cole his badge)

Officer Cole: What’s Five-0?

Evan Buckley: Now that you can look up. (Pause) I think we’re done here.

End report.

Addendum: Detective Williams’ statement correlates with Lieutenant Buckley’s.

Decision: Lieutenant Buckley had no authority to act upon the situation, however is a veteran and an officer himself. The governor of Hawaii has confirmed that he will be reprimanded, and reminded of the boundaries of his position. No further action taken.

Their boy had been in Hawaii all this time. A part of her can’t believe he’s been so close, yet so out of reach, while the other part of her wants to praise his choice of location. She’s also surprised to see he’d taken the path into law enforcement instead; she’d always thought he’d have the aptitude for it, even if he could barely sit still to do paperwork. What shocks her the most is the reveal of his title and former military background. Bobby had mentioned in passing that Buck once said he’d joined the SEALs, before quickly saying he’d flunked out. It explains his actions though, the speed and accuracy of his response, and Athena has to wonder how much they ever actually knew about their Buck.

A quick search proves more to Buck’s past, and Athena feels her stomach sour. ‘Five-0’ leads her quickly to various news reports about the Hawaii Five-0 task force, an elite team chosen to handle the worst of Hawaii’s criminal cases and investigations. Most of the reports are spread over ten years, and only a handful feature or mention Buck. The common denominators in the majority of them however, are two men.

Commander Steve McGarrett, and Detective Danny Williams.

Athena isn’t dumb. She knows how to read between the lines. There’s little chance that Buck just stumbled across the job. This Commander McGarrett, a former SEAL himself, is clearly someone from Buck’s past, and considering the 10 year stretch since he was on active duty, she has to wonder how long they’ve known each other. She has to wonder why Buck had never mentioned anyone outside of L.A.

Detective Williams meanwhile, is more of a puzzle. It’s the wording of the report that has her wondering, that and the detective’s own words during the call.

_“We’ve got a kid in there, lady!”_

_“My partner.”_

A part of her could relegate the use of ‘partner’ as a coincidence. The force use it all the time to mean a pair of officers who more often than not work together. But the news reports are all very clear. McGarrett and Williams are partners.

Which makes his and Buck’s relationship much more confusing.

What was clear yesterday however, was how much he cares for Buck, and despite everything, Athena is glad of that. Buck deserves people in his corner. She’s just sad it hadn’t been them.

Yet, she knows where he is now. Time has passed. Wouldn’t it be right to make amends?

As she closes the folder however, a picture of Buck and Williams with the young girl coming loose, she has to wonder if anything can be salvaged at all.

**Buck**

He’d seen Athena.

From the moment Danny had started yelling, Buck had known they were going to draw a police presence. He’d just hoped with everything he had that it wouldn’t be someone who’d known him.

Of course, it had to be Athena.

He’s pretty sure he’d managed to not draw her attention initially – when Danny Williams is ranting, that’s pretty much all you can see. When he entered the building though, when he heard Danny screaming for him, he’s pretty sure any cover he had was blown then.

A part of him hopes to god that the 118 hadn’t been there too, but realistically he knows that if Athena did see him, she’d tell them anyway. That was how they worked – one big family unit. Problem was, when one of them pushed, they all did, and wasn’t that how Buck ended up where he was now?

The last thing he wants is for them to push him now, to try something, anything, that could break the peace he’s found for himself.

The problem is, he knows now that it won’t last.

The past six months have been more than he could have dreamed of, but everything good has to end, at least in his experience.

If Athena saw him, then she only has to look at the report from the hospital to know he’s been part of Five-0 since he left. If she knows he’s part of Five-0, then she knows he’s been in Hawaii.

If she knows he’s been in Hawaii, so will the 118.

If they know…

All the time that Buck had been hoping for reconciliation, and it took him leaving for them to even try. He’d barely spoken with Maddie since that first call, but every time he did, she mentioned how the team was without him, how they wanted to speak to him.

Buck knows them like he knows himself. Now they’ve decided they miss him, that they need him, if they know where he is, they’ll come.

They’ll try to bring him back.

As he looks over at the sleeping forms of Danny and Grace, he knows he never will.

It’s said that time heals all wounds, but it also brings growth and new life.

He is Buck 3.0, and he’s never going back.

**The 118**

The Sunday shift is an awkward affair. No-one talks about yesterday’s incident, but they all know what they saw.

It’s the elephant in the room.

The elephant of Evan Buckley.

Bobby knew it would be a hard shift before he’d even walked in, but in all honesty he’d expected shouting or rallying cries, at the very least confusion over what Buck had been able to accomplish.

Instead it’s just quiet, too quiet for comfort, and it leaves the station feeling much of an awkward affair.

The last thing Bobby then expects is a phone call from his wife that leaves him pale and shaky.

Hen is frowning at him as he pockets his phone. “Cap? Everything okay?”

“Buck’s been in Hawaii.” Bobby says, breathless, and the whole team look up. “That was Athena. She had the report from yesterday. Buck’s been on some elite team in Hawaii. The man he was with was his partner, Detective Danny Williams.”

Eddie tenses at the last part, and then the bell is sounding and they all have to hold their thoughts while they throw on their turnout gear and pile into the truck.

Yet as soon as they’re driving, the conversation is back on Buck.

“So what do we do with that information?” Chim says, brows furrowed. “It’s not like we can just follow him there.”

“I lost him once, I’m not losing him again.” Eddie’s voice is steely, and the words are out of his mouth quicker than he can think. “We’re going to Hawaii.”

**Danny**

He’s pretty sure Buck didn’t sleep a wink.

Even after they’d climbed back into bed last night, he’d seen the way Buck gazed at the ceiling, still haunted by the day’s events. Whether it was the actual hold-up, or possibly seeing someone he’d known, Danny wasn’t sure, but it worried him either way.

Grace aside, he’d begun to wish they hadn’t booked this trip at all.

When the sun shines in the next morning, Buck looks like he hasn’t moved, and Danny’s worry only doubles. Yet his own movement rouses Buck, who shoots him a smile and gets up to start the day. Whatever it was that had kept him awake, it’s clear Buck isn’t letting his demons get in the way of their time with Grace. Danny just hopes he won’t fall foul of exhaustion later.

His hopes are not met. By the time they make it back to the airport, the sky a hazy dusk, Buck looks about ready to collapse. So, through security and holed up in the lounge, Danny loops an arm around Buck and pulls him closer into his side.

Buck’s bleary, red eyes gaze up at him, and Danny just smiles. “Get some rest. You look like hell.”

“Way to make a guy blush.” He wears a cheeky grin but rests his head on Danny’s shoulder nonetheless.

“I’m not paying you a compliment. I’m making sure you don’t get kicked off the plane for looking like an addict.”

“Really doing something for my self-esteem here Danno.”

“Sleep, Bucky. Don’t think I didn’t notice you pulling an all-nighter in that big brain of yours.”

Buck’s still grinning, “My hero,” and snuggles closer.

Danny would be lying if he said he didn’t feel his heart stutter.

They rest in a companionable silence for a long while before Buck says. “I don’t want to lose this.”

Danny frowns, looking down at him. “What do you mean?”

Buck sighs, and sits back up. He looks a little more alert, but it’s with a sadness Danny hates to see; a sadness he hasn’t seen since Buck first arrived. “They’re gonna know where I am now. The cop you were talking to –“

“You knew her?”

He nods. “She was kind of like a mom to me, before everything…”

“You think they’re gonna come after you?”

“Pretty sure.”

Danny swallows against the sudden thickness in his throat. He doesn’t want to lose this either. “What do you… Do you want to come back?”

“No!” Buck’s eyes are wide, shaking his head. “No. I… I don’t belong here anymore. Home… That’s you and Charlie now.”

Danny feels himself relax at the confession, and he draws Buck closer again. “So why are you worried?”

“Because I never get what I want. Eventually… It disappears.”

“I used to think that too. After everything with Rachel, Charlie…” He can’t quite bring himself to add Steve to the list. “But I’ve realised that what you want, always has to be worth fighting for. So, if Hawaii is what you want, I won’t let you go without a fight.”

The way Buck seems to relax at his words, how his eyes shine as he looks up at Danny, the small quirk of his lips… the Jersey Detective finds himself unable to look away. There’s a definite something in the air, a spark that leaves his skin prickling.

Then Buck leans up and presses a kiss to his cheek, “my hero,” before curling back into his side, and Danny has to wonder what the hell he’s going to do now.

He’s fallen for Evan Buckley, and he’s fallen hard.


	10. Daiyu Mei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Danny return to Hawaii and are met with one of their toughest cases yet. The 118 makes a plan, crosses a sea, and goes on the hunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for drama and angst, but there’s also some sweet fluff!
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.

**Danny**

They aren’t met with any fanfare or celebration. Instead they pile back into Danny’s Camaro, stop at Kamekona’s for shrimp, and head home.

Rachel – who’d been staying with Charlie – hugs them both and asks about Grace. They don’t omit what happened, but do limit the blow by laying it out simply. She’s shocked, and worried, but they tell her Grace was fine and to call her in the morning. They don’t say anything about Buck’s part, and he’s glad to have worn a long sleeved shirt to cover up the bandage.

When she’s gone, they check on Charlie – who’s sleeping soundly. Buck places the bear they’d gotten for him on the pillow, excited to hear his reaction when he wakes. Closing the door quietly behind them, they head to the kitchen to eat the shrimp.

“You feeling any better?” Danny asks, noticing Buck mainly picking at his food. He’d managed to sleep a little in the lounge, and again on the plane, but it wasn’t exactly an uninterrupted twelve hours.

“’m good.” Buck mumbles around a shrimp, flashing a smile, but Danny isn’t convinced.

“Come on.” He says, putting the leftovers in the fridge. “To bed with you.”

“Danny…”

“Unless you want to skip out on work tomorrow, you need rest.”

He manages to get a reluctant Buck up to his room, who simply sighs, shucks off his pants in favour of joggers, and slides under the covers.

“I can’t turn it all off.” He says, after a moment. “That’s why I couldn’t sleep last night. I just keep thinking…”

“You think too much, Bucky.” Danny says, sitting on the edge. “Sometimes you’ve got to switch off that brain of yours and relax.”

“I did. Ever since I got here, I’ve been better. I just… wasn’t expecting to see her… any of them.”

“I know.”

Buck’s eyes slide shut, but he’s still tense. “Stay?”

Danny isn’t sure what makes him agree. Whether it’s what happened at the airport, or the way Buck looks like he isn’t going to sleep any better, but he finds himself going to his own room to change before coming back and sliding under the covers. Gathering Buck into his arms, he presses a soft kiss to the top of his head. “Go to sleep, Evan.”

“’m ‘kay.”

“I’ve got you.”

He always would.

**Buck**

He wakes the next morning feeling completely refreshed. He’s warm and content, and could happily just go back to sleep. What has him blinking the grit from his eyes are the strong arms around his waist, and he reluctantly rolls over to find himself literally nose to nose with Danny.

Danny is also awake, and Buck can’t quite read the expression on his face, but it has him thinking his sleepy request the night before wasn’t such a good idea.

“Morning.” Buck croaks, forcing a small smile. Before Danny can even respond he says. “I’m, uh… I’m sorry if I… made you uncomfortable…”

Danny’s brows furrow. “Morning. And you didn’t.”

“Oh…” Buck isn’t quite sure what to say to that.

“Buck… Evan…” Danny sighs, unhooking his arms from around Buck and rolling onto his back. “I… I know this probably isn’t the best time after everything that happened this weekend, but… you’ve become such a big part of my life. I meant what I said when I told you I’d fight before I let you go.”

“Oh…” Buck feels more than a little speechless. It wasn’t at all what he’d been expecting in Danny’s response.

“You don’t… have to say anything…” Danny seems embarrassed, if Buck’s honest, but he knows the man has always been shy of his feelings unless under pressure.

“Danny, I meant what I said too. You and Charlie, you’re my home now.”

“Oh…” Danny turns over again to look at him. A long moment passes. “Can I… Can I kiss you?”

Buck grins. “Please do.”

Their lips seem to meld together as if they were made for each other. It’s short and sweet and everything Buck could have dreamed of; he finds himself sighing in contentment as they break apart. Snuggling back into Danny, he whispers. “My ohana.” He would have happily stayed there for longer, but a little voice echoes with excitement down the hall.

Buck and Danny both grin, hearing Charlie’s footsteps racing down the hall, presumably to Danny’s room. “Daddy?”

“In here buddy.” Danny calls. The door cracks open a moment later, Charlie peeking through.

“Why are you in Bucky’s bed?” He asks as he clambers up onto the covers.

“Because Bucky couldn’t sleep buddy.” Danny replies simply, sitting up and hugging his son.

“Oh.” Charlie smiles over at Buck. “Are you better now?”

Buck grins. “I’m perfect buddy.”

Charlie brandishes the new bear to both of them, giggling. “I got a new friend!”

“Oh really?” Buck can’t help but laugh, playing the fifth. “What’s his name?”

Charlie grins. “Bucky Bear!”

Buck just laughs, grabbing Charlie and tickling him until they’re both breathless.

**The 118**

The benefits of working 4-on-4-off means they have the time and means for all four of them to go to Hawaii. Athena and Maddie still have to work, but both are similar in their goodbyes.

“Bring our boy home.”

That’s what leads to Bobby, Eddie, Chim and Hen all bundling through the boarding gate to a plane heading for Honolulu airport.

The ride is short, but all four of them sit tense in their seats. Eddie seems in a world of his own, and Chim has his fingers in his ears as they taxi down the runway. Hen, sitting next to Bobby, can’t help but lean over. “Do you really think this is a good idea?” She’s been thinking it ever since Eddie spoke in the truck, the day before. She wants Buck back as much as the rest of them do, but there was a reason why he hadn’t told them where he was moving to. If he didn’t want to be found, wasn’t doing this just going to make everything worse?

Bobby sighs, and it’s clear to her that he’s been wondering the same. “I don’t know, but I feel like we have to try.”

“I don’t want to push him further away.” Hen rubs a hand over her face. “We messed up Bobby, big time. But in time he might have forgiven us.”

“Or he could not reach out at all.” Bobby says, turning to face her. “At least this way, we can apologise, even if it does nothing.”

“I suppose.”

Bobby glances over at where Eddie is sat, across the aisle from them. “I think Eddie’s judgement is clouded. I understand, I do, but… Buck was hit hardest by him.”

“Honestly Bobby, I don’t see Buck coming back with us.”

The captain is silent for a minute, then nods. “Me too. Part of me is wondering if this is where he belongs now.”

“He belongs with us.” Eddie murmurs. He’s still gazing up to the ceiling, but it’s clear he heard every word they’d said. Hen just wonders whether this trip was going to end in more than one broken heart.

When they land, Eddie is silent. Whether he’s annoyed by Hen and Bobby’s conversation, or nervous about what’s to come, they’re not sure, but it makes the taxi ride to Hawaii Five-0 headquarters less than comfortable.

“I can see why they call it The Palace.” Chim croons, eyeing the building with a sparkle in his eye. Maddie had done so much research after Athena told them everything, and was both impressed by her brother’s new line or work, and worried.

They make their way inside but are quickly met by a broad shouldered security man. At least, they think he’s security, being that he’s wearing a floral shirt along with dress pants.

“Can I help you?” The man intones. His voice is both welcoming and foreboding.

“We’re looking for Evan Buckley.” Eddie says, and he almost sounds impatient.

The man cocks and eyebrow, but says nothing.

Hen places her hand gently on Eddie’s shoulder. “We’re here to see Lieutenant Buckley of Hawaii Five-0, if he’s available.”

At this, the man breaks into a smile. “Oh, you’re here for Buck. I don’t think he and Danny have come in yet, but lemme call up and check.” He disappears behind a desk.

Eddie’s fists seem to clench at the mention of the detective, but he forces himself to relax when Hen squeezes his shoulder a little too tight.

The man returns a few moments later. “Sorry, but he and Danny are out on a case. I can take a message up if you want?”

Hen all but pulls Eddie back. “No thanks. We’ll catch up with him.”

The man seems to cock his eyebrow at them again, but remains silent as they exit.

“What now?” Eddie snaps once they’re back in the parking lot. “I could’ve gone in there.”

“And gotten yourself arrested?” Bobby says. “That wouldn’t have helped, Eddie.”

Eddie seems to deflate. “Fine, but my question stands.”

“We could… go to the beach?” Chim suggests, shrinking back from everyone’s glares. “What? I’ve never been here and I’ve heard amazing things about…”

“We’re here for Buck.” Eddie snaps. “How about we just split up and look for him?”

“Or.” Hen points across the street. “We just grab some food and wait for them to come back?”

“That would work too.”

**Buck**

After a lazy breakfast they manage to bundle Charlie off to school and get themselves on the road to The Palace. They’re almost there when Junior messages to say the Governor wants to see them first.

Buck groans as Danny turns the Camaro around. “This is gonna be fun.”

“Seeing her chew you out for being an idiot? Yeah, sounds like fun.”

“Thanks partner.”

The word is loaded with so much more meaning now. Danny feels his cheeks heat up, and focuses intently on the road.

Buck laughs; there’s no space to hide in a car. “Really? If you’re thinking about us, I’m more partial to a different word.”

“And what would that be?”

“Boyfriend.”

Danny can still feel the pink in his cheeks, and laughs. “I feel like I’m back in high school.”

“You gonna take me to prom?”

“Shut up.”

“So romantic.”

He doesn’t respond, but his hand does seek out Buck’s between their seats, and when they’re finally out of the car, he can’t help but smirk. “Come on then, boyfriend.”

Buck just grins in response and takes Danny’s hand. He feels fine on the way up to the Governor’s waiting room, but he’s pretty sure that has everything to do with the way his entire arm is tingling, and the fuzziness in his heart. When she finally calls them in, she looks stern. Her eyes are hooded by the frame of her hair, her lips are pursed, and it makes Buck feel on edge.

Something isn’t right.

Her eyes linger on their still linked hands for a moment, but she doesn’t comment. Instead she sits down and focuses directly on Buck. “I did not appreciate getting a call from the chief of police in L.A.”

Buck does, at the very least, look and feel a little ashamed. “I’m sorry ma’am. I never meant to overstep my boundaries, but Grace was – “

“I know the circumstances.” She cuts him off. “I should reprimand you, but I think we all know how much good that will do.”

“So, excuse my ignorance, but… why did you call us here, ma’am?” Danny’s been on Five-0 too long to know that the Governor wouldn’t call them in for a minute long fake dressing down. Buck finds himself feeling both thankful and wary that he’s not the only one with a bad feeling about this meeting.

“Sit down, boys.” The look on her face hasn’t changed, but the way her fingers drum down on the desk tells Buck that what she has to say is something that’s going to affect them personally.

At the least, she doesn’t beat around the bush. “Daiyu Mei has escaped.”

Danny’s hand tightens around Buck’s, and that’s the first sign that tells Buck his boyfriend is not okay. The second is the way his voice cracks as he interrupts the Governor’s tale of how it happened.

“When?”

She sighs. “Last night. The only thing she left behind was this.”

A note inside an evidence bag is placed in front of them on the desk. In big black scrawl it says;

_McGarrett._

Buck swallows. Danny’s fingers are still curled tightly around his hand. Buck circles the pad of his thumb on the back of his hand; a comfort, and reminding Danny that he’s there. He’s not alone.

“But Steve’s gone.” Danny whispers.

She nods. “We’re hoping she doesn’t know that. It buys you time to find her.”

Buck shakes his head. “Danny almost died the last time.”

“I know, and I’d prefer her to still be behind bars. But we have no idea what she could do once she realises McGarrett isn’t here. Detective Williams could still be a target.”

“So put him in protective custody.” Buck says, and he can feel Danny’s eyes on him. “I’ll find her.”

“So you’re in danger instead?” Danny’s annoyed, Buck can tell, but he’d rather him be annoyed than be in hospital. “That’s not a plan Evan.”

“It’s the best we have!”

The Governor raises a hand. “We have the ability to place Detective Williams and his son into protective custody if needed, but it has to be your choice, not mine.”

Danny sighs. “I appreciate your concern Buck, I do, but this is my fight as much as it’s yours. Maybe more. I won’t run away.”

The Governor lets them go after that, telling them that the full extent of Hawaii is at their disposal, but Buck can’t let the matter go as easily. They argue throughout the car ride back to The Palace, Buck slamming the door as he gets out.

“It’s not the car’s fault, Buck!” Danny says with a sigh. He’s exasperated, and protective of his new car after Mei torched the last.

“You’re a selfish, stubborn bastard.” Buck is shouting, and were they in any other situation he might have found it funny that he sounded a lot like Danny himself. “What about Charlie, huh?”

“Charlie’s gonna have a protective detail around the clock.”

“And what if he loses you? What if I…” He trails off, rubbing at his eyes.

Danny softens. “You’re not gonna lose me.”

“You don’t know that.” Buck whispers. “I told you last night that I…” He trails off, seeing four familiar figures crossing the street towards them. “Oh, hell no…”

Danny turns, following his gaze. “Is that…?”

“Yep.”

In an instant, Danny is in protective mode, standing in front of Buck as the members of the 118 enter the car park. “What the hell do you think you’re doing here?”

It’s Bobby who steps forward. “We just want to talk to Buck.”

“And he has nothing to say to any of you.”

“I think he can talk for himself.” Eddie snaps, and Buck will not tolerate anyone speaking to Danny like that, even the man he once loved.

“And I didn’t ask for any of you to come here.” Buck says, stepping forward. “I don’t want you here.”

Eddie flinches, and Buck would feel bad were it not for everything he’d suffered by them.

“You heard him.” Danny growls. “Leave.”

“What are you, his bodyguard?” Eddie growls back.

“My partner.” Buck says, and turns, taking Danny’s arm. “Danny.”

“I thought you preferred boyfriend.” Danny says as he moves with Buck, and Buck can hear the grin in his voice. He knows exactly what the other man is doing, and he loves it.

“I was speaking purely in a professional sense.” Buck retorts, hand sliding down to interlace with Danny’s.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, really.”

If Danny’s purposeful in the way he wraps his arm around Buck’s waist as they enter the building, Buck can’t say he minds at all.

**Danny**

There’s something about Buck’s old team that riles Danny up, and it’s not just the way they treated him. They just seem so confident, so self-assured, like they really believe Buck’s just going to say ‘Oh, no worries. Let’s go back to L.A.’

The long minutes in the car park have him forgetting about Daiyu Mei. Instead, he enjoys the way he can push the Diaz guy’s buttons. He hadn’t known who was who, but it was clear which one was Eddie by the way he was not just arguing with Danny but the way he was looking at Buck.

Obviously he’d plucked his head out of his ass and realised what he’d lost in pushing Buck away. Too bad it was too little too late, and Danny was not having him hurt Buck all over again.

So when he’s asked who he is and Buck says “my partner,” Danny can’t help but grin and say “I thought you preferred boyfriend.”

The way Buck retorts back and forth with him tells him his boyfriend is enjoying the tease, and he almost wants to look back and see the guy’s face. Instead he just slides his arm around Buck’s waist as they go in.

It’s only when they get into Five-0 proper, when they have to tell the others what’s happened, that everything comes crashing back down. Buck is quick to lay out the reasons why Danny should sit out. Most of the others are quick to defend him.

Danny just feels like his head is going to explode, and he knows – really knows – that the only person who can help them, who can find her, isn’t here.

Excusing himself from the still ongoing argument, Danny goes into his office, closing the door behind him. Turning the blinds, he pulls out his phone and sinks into his chair.

Flicking to an all too familiar number, he hesitates. The last time he tried was four months ago. There’s been little contact since.

Still, he knows he has to try. Taking a breath, he presses the call button.

As expected, it goes to voicemail.

“Steve… She’s out. Daiyu Mei. I, uh… I could really use your help. I…” He sighs, rubbing at his temples. This is harder than he’d thought. “We need your help. Please Steve, just…”

The phone beeps, cutting out, and Danny just snaps. Did ten years really boil down to this – voicemails and false politeness? Pressing the call button again, he waits for the voicemail.

“You are the most selfish bastard I have ever met Steve McGarrett. Were I not so damn busy trying to find the woman who almost killed me, I’d be finding out where you are just so I could throttle you. God dammit, Steven, just pick up the damn phone!”

It takes everything he has. The phone slides to the floor with a thunk, his head planting down on the desk.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there for, only looking up when the door opens and Buck walks in.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m, uh…” Buck looks uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. You were right. This is your fight.”

“It’s fine.” Danny whispers, raking a hand through his hair. “I… I called Steve.”

“And?”

“Voicemail.”

Buck swears.

“It’s fine.” Danny shrugs. “We’ll find her.”

“Yeah.” Buck reaches out, taking Danny’s hand. “I’m scared.”

“Me too.”


	11. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take an explosive turn. In more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> I'm so sorry! I promise this will be finished in the new few days! :D

**Danny**

Danny leaves The Palace around 4 to get Charlie from school, having made Buck promise that he won’t be home too late. They’re both on edge, and he doesn’t want Buck walking back when Daiyu Mei is on the loose. Last time she’d said she knew everything; there was no reason why she wouldn’t know about Buck, or his connection to Steve. In Danny’s eyes, Buck was just as much a target as Danny himself, so Buck promised to get a lift with Junior.

What he doesn’t expect is for Buck’s former team to still be waiting outside; did they honestly have nothing better to do?

“You know, Hawaii has plenty of great beaches that are much better looking than this parking lot.” The sarcasm is natural as he makes his way to the Camaro.

This time it’s the woman who speaks. Danny thinks Buck said her name was Hen. “We just want to talk to Buck, that’s all.”

“And he has a job to do right now.”

“And you don’t?” It’s Eddie again, and Danny finds his anger rising.

“I’m picking up my son.” Surely even he can understand that. He sighs. “Look, I get that you’ve all decided you’re sorry for how you treated Evan. But you weren’t the ones who had to pick him up off the floor where _you_ left him. You weren’t the ones who had to speak to him, an ocean apart, and fear for him, when you couldn’t do a damn thing about it. You weren’t there for him. Period. So maybe do him a favour and respect his wishes.”

“With all due respect, he never even mentioned you.” It’s another man who speaks. He looks the calmest out of them all, hands shoved into his pockets. “Why do you care so much?”

Danny really doesn’t have time for this, but he’ll play their game if it makes them realise they have no place in Buck’s life anymore. “I care because Evan Buckley is the kindest soul I’ve ever met. I care because he once saved my life and I’ll be damned if I don’t do the same for him. I care because he ran into a sieged building to save my daughter. I care because he tucks my son into bed at night, reads him stories, is there when he’s hurt, makes him smile. I care because he’s brave and beautiful and brilliant. I care about Evan Buckley for so many reasons. I don’t have any reasons however, to care about you. So go, before I have you arrested.”

He doesn’t wait to see what they do, simply slides into the Camaro and drives off. He only hopes they heeded his warning, because he doesn’t want to see Evan hurt again.

**The 118**

They do not heed Danny’s warning. If anything, his impassioned speech makes Eddie even angrier, and the rest of them more worried.

Eddie wants to hear from Buck himself who exactly this guy is and why he thinks he’s qualified to tell them to leave Buck and not look back.

The others need to know exactly what brought Buck here. They need to apologise, even if he’ll never forgive them.

They have to speak to Buck, and they won’t leave until they do.

It’s gone seven by the time the doors swing open and a familiar figure steps into view. Evan Buckley looks weary, stressed, and they’re all surprised when he pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one.

“Buck.” Hen is the first to step forward, and it hurts her to see him sigh and take a long drag before he replies.

“What are you still doing here?”

“We just wanted to talk, kid.” Bobby says, moving into view.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Bobby.” Buck looks back towards the doors, as if he’s waiting for someone, and takes another drag. “But fine, talk.”

“We wanted to apologise.” Hen says, stepping closer into Buck’s space. “We were wrong, about everything… We had our reasons but they were so messed up, Buck, and we are so sorry.”

Bobby joins her. “I only wanted to protect you, but I went about it the wrong way. Everything that happened, that’s on me. I’m sorry.”

“Christopher misses you.” Eddie hangs back, but Buck can hear him as clear as anything. “I was so wrong to keep him from you. I – “

“Don’t.” Buck shakes his head, moving back from them. The cigarette is limp in his hand. “It changes nothing.”

“Buck…”

“No! Don’t ‘Buck’ me. You can’t come here and say you’re sorry and just expect everything to be okay. No, it doesn’t work like that.”

“We’re not expecting –“

“Yes, you are, and I can’t.”

“If it’s because of him –“

Buck whirls, glaring at Eddie with a ferocity they’ve never seen. “His name is Danny Williams, and he is the only reason I am here right now.” He can see the way they’re ready to retort, and he knows they’ve misunderstood him completely. “I don’t mean Hawaii.”

That silences them.

“The night I called Danny, the night he told me to come here, I was stood on the roof of my building, wondering if any of you would even miss me. I owe him… everything. So don’t you dare try to even pretend that you understand who I am right now. Don’t think that sorry is going to change anything.”

“We do love you, Buckaroo. You’re our family.” Hen whispers, tears tracking down her face. She looks like she wants to hug him.

Buck just shakes his head, stepping away. “We’re done here.” His eyes flicker back towards the door as another man exits.

“You ready, Buck?”

“Yeah, J.” He doesn’t spare the 118 another glance, following the man to a car parked nearby. “I’ve got a kid to say goodnight to.”

The other man glances at the cigarette as Buck stomps it out. “You know those things will kill you.”

Buck laughs, but it’s dark and twisted. “So many things have already tried.”

**Buck**

He feels heavy until the moment he steps through the front door and is barrelled into by a small body attaching themselves to his leg.

“Uncle Buck!” Charlie cries, beaming up at him, and Buck feels the day’s stresses simply melt away.

Picking up the boy, he holds him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Hey Charlie. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too! Guess what I did at school today?”

“What?” He finds himself grinning as they make their way into the kitchen where Danny is cooking. Placing Charlie on one of the breakfast counter stools as the 8 year old recounts his day, he doesn’t even think before sliding his arms around Danny’s waist and pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Hey.” Danny turns, kissing him softly.

Charlie’s voice stops and Buck risks a glance back at him. He’s pulling a face.

Danny laughs. “What’s wrong buddy?”

“Luke said girls have cooties so he never wants to kiss one. Do boys have cooties too?”

“It’s okay, Charlie.” Buck says. “I don’t mind your dad’s cooties.”

“Oh, okay.” Charlie smiles. “Are you gonna marry Buck now Danno?”

Buck splutters, while Danny goes red faced. “I… uh…”

“Oscar got a new mommy when his first mommy got married. Is Buck gonna be my new daddy?”

Danny moves to Charlie’s side, smiling. “These things take time buddy, and everybody’s different. Right now, me and Buck just really like living together and being here for you.”

“Because we’re ohana.”

“Exactly.”

Charlie seems to accept the explanation, because he goes back to telling them about his day, but Buck will be damned if he can’t look Danny in the eye right then.

The next morning rolls around all too quickly. Buck and Danny reluctantly let the security detail take Charlie to school, and head off to The Palace early. The sooner Daiyu Mei was back behind closed doors, the better.

Buck also hoped he wouldn’t run into the 118 again. He’d told Danny of the confrontation in the parking lot. His boyfriend was proud of him, but had quietly mentioned that maybe Buck did need to get some closure.

Buck was, unfortunately, inclined to agree. Yet it wasn’t something he could bare thinking about right then. He’d been certain they were going to show up, had – in some way – been ready, but then the news of Daiyu Mei had changed everything.

He had bigger things to worry about.

Once Mei was back in prison, then he’d talk to the 118.

Thankfully the parking lot was empty, so he and Danny were able to start work without any interruptions. The first half of their day was spent between their own offices and working at the smart table, trying to track any possible movement from Mei and work out her game was.

Then, they got a hit.

“Boss! Buck!” Tani calls out from the smart table, drawing them both towards her. “Someone matching Mei’s description was seen entering a building on the corner of Kalakaua and Makaloa ten minutes ago.”

“Let’s move.”

The smell of smoke and the sound of screeching tires fills the air as they peel away, sirens blaring.

“This is Detective Danny Williams of Hawaii Five-0. I need all available units to the corner of Kalakaua and Makaloa, immediately. Highly wanted fugitive suspected inside, likely armed. First response to evacuate and barricade the area”

The radio crackles with affirmations, but it does nothing to ease their nerves, and as they pull onto Kapiolani, Buck can see Danny’s hands tighten around the steering wheel.

“Hey…” He reaches over, resting his hand on Danny’s leg. “You’re not there, alright? You’re okay.”

He watches as Danny relaxes, if only by a fraction. “I’m okay.”

“We’re okay.” Buck smiles softly. “And we’re gonna get her.”

The scene that greets them when they arrive is one of organised chaos. The first response had indeed evacuated the area and set up a perimeter, but there are plenty people milling around outside the barricade, hoping to get a glimpse of what’s going on.

Buck shakes his head, gesturing for Danny to go deal with the armed response units, and heads to the barricade.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please keep well back from this area! HPD and Five-0 are handling the situation but we need everyone to keep to a safe distance, please!”

With the exception of a few nosy reporters, most people do as he asks. Raking a hand through his hair, he’s about to turn back and go find Danny when he notices a taxi pull up a short distance away.

His first thought is that he literally cannot deal with this.

His second is that they are so incredibly stupid.

But sure enough the doors open, and the members of the 118 file out. Buck can feel his hands clenching; clearly his words the previous night had done absolutely nothing. He may as well have been talking to a brick wall for all the good it seemed to have done.

Glancing over his shoulder, he checks that Danny is still talking to the SWAT commander and not waiting for him, and then stomps over to them, his face a mask of fury.

“It is one thing to completely disregard everything I said when I told you that I don’t want to talk. It’s another to basically stalk a member of law enforcement. It is completely and absolutely idiotic, to follow me to an active scene!”

Eddie goes to open his mouth, but Buck literally does not care.

“No, Edmundo Diaz, you don’t get to say anything. None of you do. You pushed me away, you made your bed, now lie in it.” He turns his back on them, stalking back to the barricade. “Follow me again and I _will_ have you arrested!”

As soon as he steps onto the other side of the barricade, he forces everything he was feeling down into a little box, and chains it shut. If Daiyu Mei is in there, he cannot afford to have any distractions.

Danny updates him on the situation so far – no sign of Mei, but there’s no way she could have escaped either, as the first patrol was only across the street when the call came in. Buck’s glad, but it also gives him a foreboding feeling. He may not have dealt with Mei the first time, but he’d read the reports. She could escape if she wanted to. The fact that she hasn’t means that she has something else planned. Drawing his gun, he nods to Danny, and they head inside.

The building looks like an old bank. It’s definitely disused, if the dust and mould is anything to go by. Buck coughs, but holds his gun steady. His eyes are blinking against the floating motes caused by their movement. Their feet click softly on the old marble floors.

He takes cover behind an old solid desk, motions to Danny, who does the same. The rest of Five-0 are outside; they don’t want to risk the whole team before they know what Mei is up to.

When they hear nothing, they gesture and are on the move again. There’s only one hall leading from the main area. It used to be held shut by a keypad, but it’s already been broken off its hinges. The keypad is rusted anyway. They manage to slip through the gap already left, and Buck hopes it might give them the element of surprise.

There’s movement at the end of the hallway. Danny gestures, hands moving rapidly. Buck signals back, heading forward while Danny stays behind to cover his six. At the mouth of the hall, Buck checks. One man, armed.

Signalling to Danny, he moves out. “Five-0!”

The man immediately lets off a wild shot. Buck is quicker, leaping to one side and sending off his own round, which takes the man down. Rolling to his feet, Buck continues down the stairs, which lead to the old vaults. Danny is a pace behind him. More armed assailants come out of the woodwork, but the skilled partners make quick work of them.

Then it’s just silence.

Buck frowns, aiming his gun around the room in a sweep. “That was too easy.”

Danny agrees. “And no sign of Mei.”

“Nice to hear you’ve missed me.” Her voice echoes around them, a sick laugh. “Detective, it’s been too long. How are those lovely children of yours?”

Danny starts, and Buck has to resist the urge to pull him back, instead keeping his weapon drawn. “Don’t talk about my kids!”

“Ooh, someone is techy. Tell me, how was your hospital visit? I am sorry you didn’t quite get the service I promised.”

“Why don’t you come face us instead of just taunting us?” Buck says, trying to find where the voice is coming from. “Seems kind of cowardly to me.”

“Oh I would love to, Lieutenant, but I’m afraid I have other business. Namely Commander McGarrett. You two are simply… lose ends I have to deal with first.”

Buck sees the movement atop the stairs before he hears them, and he reacts without thinking, pushing Danny away and letting off a shot. Then all he feels is pain.

“Goodbye boys.”

There’s a whistle, a boom, and everything goes white hot.

**The 118**

Bobby had all but wanted to take them back then. For all they’d tried, Buck had been very clear in his desire not to talk to any of them, and Bobby honestly couldn’t blame him.

Every moment of those three months seemed to play back in his head, and he knew exactly how much they’d hurt the boy they’d professed to love as family.

Hen and Chim seem to feel the same, their eyes glistening with tears, but Eddie refuses to move, even when Bobby all but orders him.

“I’m not leaving him.” Eddie says, staring resolutely at the building in front of them. “Not again.”

“Eddie…”

“No.”

So they stay, and they watch as Buck – gun drawn – heads into what could be the most dangerous situation he’d ever faced. They watch and wait, hearts in their mouths, as gunshots quietly echo from the open entryway. They watch as minutes of silence pass, praying that both Buck and Danny are okay.

Then there’s an ungodly boom, and they watch with horror as the building comes tumbling down.

“Buck!” Eddie is screaming, and there’s so much noise and too much movement as the officers outside react. They can see four people, also in tactical vests, shouting both Buck and Danny’s names before shouting orders to the officers around them.

Eddie feels cold, his vision blurring, spots dancing around in front of him. He’s breathing too fast, and it’s only when Hen whispers softly to him, telling him that they need to help, need to do their job, that he manages to calm.

They can still save Buck.

He has to.

So he pushes down all the fear he’s feeling and runs forward with his team.

The four people – presumably the rest of Five-0 – clearly know who they are. They’re not happy to see them, and almost look like they’re going to turn them away, but one – a heavy set man with an air of authority – says. “You’re fire-fighters, right? Speak with the tac’ lead. He’s got a map of this place. Figure out a plan, and get our boys home. We’ve got units on route to join you.”

The way he speaks makes Eddie think they’ve done this before, and he vaguely remembers reading one of the reports that talked about Williams and McGarrett being in a similar situation. Still, he doesn’t argue – simply holds on to that thread of hope, and follows Bobby and the others to the tac’ lead.

They get to work.

**Danny**

When Danny comes to the first thing he can feel is a pressure on his legs and chest. The first thing he can taste is soot and dust. The first thing he can hear is the sound of drilling and movement above them.

The first thing he remembers, is Buck.

Daiyu Mei’s taunts come back to him, followed by the noise of gunshots. He remembers hitting the floor, seeing Buck groaning in pain a few metres away, a sticky pool of blood already forming beneath him. Then he remembers the whistle, the boom, the flash. He remembers heat.

Blinking his eyes open, he can see that he’d landed beneath the stairwell after Buck pushed him away, and that perhaps is the only reason he can actually move. The metal staircase has acted like a barrier against a lot of the debris, keeping him safe in a small pocket. A few smaller bits have slipped through the gaps, namely a wooden beam that’s lying across his legs and a heavy slab of plaster on his chest. They move easily though, and while Danny’s certain he’ll have some impressive bruises, nothing feels broken or badly damaged.

He’s lucky. He just hopes Buck can say the same.

Then he gazes around the rest of what was the room, seeing mostly rubble, and his chest constricts, breath leaving him. If Buck is under there, in addition to a gunshot wound…

He shakes his head. He can’t think like that. He has to find Buck, has to bring him home.

He gets to work.

For what feels like hours he shifts the rubble, piece by piece, calling out for Buck to respond to him, make a noise, anything.

So far his only companion has been silence.

Then he shifts a particularly stubborn piece of concrete and finds a dusty hand resting beneath.

“Buck?” He grasps at the fingers, squeezing them tight. “Evan? Can you hear me?”

There’s a muffled groan, and it’s all Danny needs to start throwing rubble to the other side of the ‘room’, working furiously until he manages to uncover the rest of Buck.

What he finds almost has him heaving, and he has to force himself to stay calm, for Buck’s sake.

Beyond the dust and soot, Buck is unnaturally pale, his eyes unfocused and darting around. Danny first sees the bullet hole in his shoulder. Thankfully it’s not near anything major, and is bleeding sluggishly, so he quickly tears a strip from his shirt and packs it. The action tears a groan from Buck, but the sound tells Danny he’s still with them, and that’s everything. He can feel Buck’s clavicle shift a little beneath his hands, but Danny can’t do much for that, and it’s at the very least not life threatening.

He’s more bothered about the way Buck’s hair is matted with blood, a deep gash running from his hairline back. He’s got a concussion, at the very least, but Danny fears it’s something more by Buck’s pupils and how confused he is.

“Danny?” He keeps calling out for his partner, voice weak and scared. “Danny?”

“I’m here partner, I’m here.” Danny tells him, hovering in front of Buck, but the younger man’s eyes can’t seem to focus on his face, still darting wildly. Danny can see they’re bloodshot, pupils little more than pin pricks.

Then Buck coughs, chokes, and a trickle of blood runs down his chin. “Danny? Danny, I can’t see…”

**Steve**

Steve knew he was a coward.

As soon as his phone started ringing and he saw Danny’s picture come up, he quickly turned it over and went into the other room. He knows he’s a coward, but he can’t face Danny after months apart.

It’s not that he doesn’t care. He’s kept updated on Five-0, on all of them. He knows Buck joined the team, and he couldn’t be more thankful that not only are they not a member down, but that Danny has someone watching his six when Steve can’t. He’s made sure he knows they’re all okay. He couldn’t bare not to.

But when it comes to stilted conversations, to awkward goodbyes and hearing Buck call Danny ‘Danno’ in the way Steve used to, he just can’t do it.

He’s a coward, but it’s the only way he can protect himself. He knows now how wrong he was in leaving, how he threw away the only true peace he’s ever known, his life with Danny, to chase a pipe dream that turned into smoke. But he can’t bring himself to face his mistakes.

He can’t bring himself to find out how much they’ve all moved on without him; how much Danny has.

When he finally turns his phone back over a few hours later, having almost forgotten and wanting to check the football scores, and sees the two voicemails, he goes cold.

Never, in six months, has Danny left a voicemail.

He’s texted, letting Steve know exactly how pissed off he is, but never a voicemail.

The fact he’s left two had Steve panicking immediately.

“Steve… She’s out. Daiyu Mei. I, uh… I could really use your help. I… We need your help. Please Steve, just…”

Steve swears, already jumping up to start packing even as the second voicemail plays.

“You are the most selfish bastard I have ever met Steve McGarrett. Were I not so damn busy trying to find the woman who almost killed me, I’d be finding out where you are just so I could throttle you. God dammit, Steven, just pick up the damn phone!”

Danny’s right, and he knows it, but he won’t let him face Daiyu Mei alone. He’s already failed Danny once on that front. He won’t let it happen again.

In minutes he’s out the door, bag slung over his shoulder, hailing a taxi and all but shouting for them to get him to the airport, now.

“I’m on my way Danno. I’m coming.”


	12. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things look grim for our favourite duo. The 118 wonders if they’ll get chance to make amends as they help to retrieve Buck and Danny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.

**Buck**

Buck has never in his life felt fear like this.

Even when the ladder truck blew up, when he had the embolism, he could see his family there with him. He knew, deep down, that he would be okay.

Now though, all he can see is black, and that frightens him more than he ever felt possible, because he knows he’s not unconscious. He can feel the debris around him, crushing him, the pain that seems to encompass everything. He can feel his eyes moving.

He just can’t see anything.

He hopes to god – or anyone who’s listening – that he just has debris over his face; far enough away that he can’t feel it, but close enough that explains why he can’t see anything but black.

When he feels Danny’s hand in his though, hears his partner talking to him, feels the debris lifted, and yet still can see nothing but endless darkness, he knows no-one answered his prayer.

His chest is constricting, and he coughs, feels warm wetness on his chin, and knows this is bad. He’s so scared, and the only thing grounding him is Danny’s hand in his. “Danny? Danny, I can’t see…”

He hears his boyfriend swear, then murmur softly. “It’s okay, Evan. You took a nasty crack to the head. Probably got a concussion or something. We’re gonna get you out of here and… and you’ll be fine.”

It’s the way he pauses for a moment that tells Buck it’s bad, that Danny can’t promise that, but he lets himself smile a little. “You’re… a terr…terrible… liar…”

“You’re going to be fine.” Danny repeats, this time with no hesitation. “I’m not letting you go.”

Buck flinches as he feels another piece of rubble come loose around his legs and hip. “’m not going anywhere.” He means it, even as everything starts to go a little fuzzy around the edges. He’s not leaving Danny, Charlie and Grace. Not if he has anything to say about it. He’s cheated death before. He’ll do it again.

He can hear Danny mutter a curse, feel him press another wad of something against his lower stomach area, then another at his hip. “w’s wr’ng?” He mumbles, the pain intensifying under Danny’s hands.

Danny sighs, pressing harder. “You took another bullet… and you got a piece of rebar in your side.” He knows better than to lie.

Immediately Chim comes to mind, and Buck can’t help but laugh softly.

“It’s not funny, Evan.” Danny sounds panicked, and Buck wishes more than anything that he wasn’t the cause of it. “But help’s coming… Help’s coming…”

Buck can hear the sounds of crews working above them, trying to free them, and he knows he just has to stay awake long enough. So, with visions of Chim still swirling in his mind, he proceeds to tell Danny the story of Chim getting a piece of rebar through his brain.

By the time he’s done though, he knows he’s struggling to stay awake. His vision has gone grey rather than black, and he feels so cold. He can barely feel Danny’s hand in his.

“D-Danno…?”

He feels his boyfriend shift, though still keeping pressure on the wounds. “Yeah Bucky?”

“Tell Charlie… I love him... Gracie too”

“No, no…” He can picture Danny shaking his head, lips pursed with anger. “No, you are not doing this Evan. You’re not going anywhere.”

“’m cold, Danno.” Buck mumbles. “’m so cold. Can’t f-feel the… the pain. I know… know ‘m not… okay…”

There’s a sharp intake of breath from Danny, and he knows the other man has come to the same conclusion Buck has himself, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He feels him shift again, hands rising from their places, until he’s next to Buck’s head. Danny pulls him into his lap, arms tight around him, and Buck feels himself relax just a little.

If he’s going to die, at least he can go in the arms of the man who once saved him.

The man he loves.

**The 118**

It’s slow going, formulating the best plan of action to get to Buck and Danny, but with the help of the Honolulu fire crews and the tac’ lead, they eventually determine that the two Five-0 officers were likely in the room leading to the still sealed vault. It’s where their radio signals had disappeared from, and the best place for Mei to have cornered them and set off explosives.

With that done, they decide the easiest way for them to access them, assuming the rigidity of the area wasn’t compromised, only cut off, is through the southern wall, which they can access through the next building.

The next building is, thankfully, unharmed by the blast, which was compacted and contained to the old bank. It was obviously a trap, but one they can at least benefit from. They waste no time in accessing the adjacent building, cutting the electricity to the alarm system and breaking through. It takes them around ten minutes to get down into the area they need, but once there they immediately start hacking at the wall. In the meantime, above ground, another set of crews were working to lift the weight of the rubble from both their working area and the section they believe Buck and Danny are in. The last thing they want is for more rubble to come down on them, and – though they’re loathe to admit it – any injuries sustained might make it better for them to come up rather than through.

At least an hour has passed from the moment of the blast by the time they’ve made a hole big enough they can see and call through. The bricks between the two properties are six thick, and even with their best tools, it’s taking time.

The fire chief of Honolulu is the first to crane his head into the gap, calling out for Danny and Buck.

“Lieutenant Buckley! Detective Williams!”

“We’re here!” Danny calls back, and he sounds too relieved for the 118’s liking. Their hearts clench painfully at the thought of Buck being injured again. “We’re here!”

“It’s good to hear your voice, Detective!” He calls back. “Are you injured?”

“I’m okay.” There’s a moment of silence, then. “But Buck needs evac, ASAP.”

“How bad?”

Another beat. “Call Kalui Medical and have them evac a chopper, now.”

“Affirmative.” The chief pulls his head away to speak to one of his guys, presumably telling them to follow Danny’s command.

Bobby – his face ashen – risks calling out to Danny himself. “We’ll have you out in ten minutes, Detective.”

They aren’t sure if Danny even knows it’s them, but at that moment it probably doesn’t matter. His response however, shakes them to their core. “Buck doesn’t have ten minutes.”

They work faster than they ever have, but every minute drums in their ears like the tick of a clock, counting down on Buck’s life. Through the steadily growing gap in the wall, they can hear Danny talking.

“You still with me, Bucky?”

They can’t hear Buck’s response, but assume he’s still conscious by how Danny responds.

“I’m annoying you? Now that’s new. Usually it was Steve annoying me.”

A pause.

“I wouldn’t say everything. You never annoy me, except when you play hero.”

There’s a harsh cough, a gurgle.

“Hey, don’t talk. You’re gonna be out of here in just a minute. I promise” Another pause. “When have I ever let you down?”

For the next minute, all they can hear is the sound of their drilling and pickaxes as they get closer to a wide enough opening. Then the silence is broken by a heartwrenching sob.

“No, no, no. Stay with me, Evan. Stay with me. Please.”

The opening is big enough for a person now. Hen doesn’t wait for the order to dash through with the medical equipment, Chim and another medic close behind.

The first thing she sees is Danny, covered in dust and tears tracking down his face. In his lap is Buck, looking too lax for Hen’s comfort. He’s covered in blood, his eyes closed, skin pale. She skids to a stop beside them, quickly taking Buck’s wrist in her hand. There’s the faintest flutter of a pulse beneath her fingers, but it gives her hope.

The other medic gently prises Danny away, even as the Detective screams and reaches for Buck, allowing Chim to take his place with the backboard.

Hen’s head is on Buck’s chest, and she shakes her head. “He’s not breathing. Possible tension pneumothorax.”

Chim listens with the stethoscope, nods in agreement. “Needle thoracotomy.” He quickly performs the procedure, while Hen puts Buck’s neck in a C-Collar and then intubates him. She’s squeezing the bag rhythmically while Chim nods, satisfied with Buck’s lung sounds.

“Okay.” He assesses the other injuries. “We’ve got two bullet wounds. This one at his stomach is worrying me the most, and he’s got rebar puncture. We can’t treat this here, and there’s no time. We just have to prep him for transport.”

Hen agrees, and together they field dress both bullet wounds, secure the rebar, and then roll him onto the backboard and strap him down.

Moments later, a large chunk of the wall comes tumbling down, big enough for them to get the stretcher through. In sync they lift him, dashing through and past the others. The whole way back up, Danny is at Buck’s side, whispering pleas and comforts, telling Buck he’s going to be okay, asking him to stay with them. He shucks off any concern for himself, saying again that he’s fine, and jumps in the back of the waiting chopper with Buck. Hen and Chim accompany them, telling Bobby and Eddie to meet them at the hospital. Then they’re gone, and they can only hope it’s in time.

**Danny**

“No, no, no. Stay with me, Evan. Stay with me. Please.” He’s praying, pleading, begging, all at once as Buck’s eyes slide closed, but his boyfriend doesn’t move. Danny can’t even tell if he’s still breathing.

Seconds later he’s being pulled from Buck as the medics get to work, but Danny isn’t thinking straight and he reaches for Evan, screams against the arms holding him.

In the back of his mind he recognises the medic, Kani, but the other man’s words can’t override the fear that is flooding through Danny’s veins. Buck is still, too still, and when he hears one of the other medics say that Buck isn’t breathing, he just loses it.

“Evan! EVAN! Let me go! EVAN!”

They’re sticking a needle into his chest now, and Danny is reminded of the time he himself was shot when in isolation. How Steve had recalled the way they’d relieved the pressure on Danny’s lungs. He also knows how close he’d come to dying that day, knows Buck is in trouble.

Not that he hadn’t already known that, seeing him grow paler and colder with each passing minute, hearing him say he couldn’t see, hearing him tell Danny to pass on his love to Grace and Charlie. But seeing the medical response, seeing every action, is so different.

When the wall comes down and they move, Danny is straight at Buck’s side, taking his limp hand and whispering a mixture of reassurances and pleas. He can’t lose him now; not ever.

They break the surface, but Danny can’t even think to seek out the rest of Five-0. He just jumps straight into the chopper with Buck, ignoring anyone saying he needs to get checked out himself. He’s fine. What he needs is to be with Buck.

What he needs is for Buck to be okay.

The chopper is off in a shot, heading to Kalui as he’d requested. They’re only five minutes out, but it feels so much longer as Danny watches the feint rises on the heart monitor, his hand gripping Buck’s so tight.

The two medics at Buck’s other side, part of his former team, are watching Buck’s monitor too, but Hen keeps looking back at Danny, and he can’t take it.

“Don’t.” He just whispers, his voice gruff with emotion. “Focus on him.”

“We can’t… We can’t do any more, but you…”

She breaks off as the heart monitor starts wailing, jumping into action and pushing Danny away. “He’s in V-Fib!”

Danny’s grasping for purchase at whatever he can, grip so tight his muscles hurt, as they shock Buck once, twice, three times. The beats that return to the heart monitor are even fainter, and Danny has the distinct feeling that he’s watching Buck slip away in front of him.

When they finally arrive at Kalui, they’re out like a shot, and Danny miraculously has the wherewithal to bark orders to the waiting medical team. “Evan Buckley. 32 years old. O-Neg. GSW to the shoulder and stomach. Rebar puncture at his left hip. Broken clavicle. Head laceration with retracted pupils. He… He said he couldn’t see, but he’s been in and out of consciousness since.”

They grab for the stretcher, go to take him through to theatre, when Hen adds. “Tension pneumothorax. Needle thoracotomy performed. Heart stopped on the way.”

The lead surgeon just nods as her team take him, barking orders. “Let’s run two IV’s, open wide. Hang two units of O-Neg and fluids. Move people!”

Then they’re gone, and Danny finds himself sinking to the floor. All he can see is black.

When he comes to, Danny isn’t quite sure where he is. His mind feels fuzzy, like there’s a chunk missing. It takes him a few moments to realise that he’s in a hospital bed, with Junior sat dozing in a chair beside him. From the curtain drawn around them, it’s clear that it’s not bad enough for him to warrant his own room, and he relaxes just a little.

Then Junior’s eyes blink open, settling on Danny, and there’s something in the way his eyes are creased, mouth pressed to a thin line, that tells Danny something is wrong.

“Junior?” He licks his lips, grateful for the water then placed at his mouth. “What happened?”

“You passed out, Boss. Docs said it’s exhaustion and stress mixed with a concussion.”

Danny frowns. “Concussion?”

Junior swallows, breaking his gaze. “What do you remember?”

It takes him a minute. “Daiyu Mei. We tracked her to an old bank. We…” In a flood, everything comes rushing back. “Buck!” His hand goes immediately to the IV in his arm, pulling it out, and then the clip on his finger. He swings his legs out of bed, stumbling but remaining upright, glad he’s still in his own clothes. “Where’s Evan?!”

“Boss!” Junior’s in front of him in seconds, easing him back to the bed. “Stop! Danny… Danny, stop!”

Danny stops fighting him as a wave of dizziness rushes through him, breathing heavily. “Junior… Where is he?”

“He’s still in surgery. We don’t know anything more.”

“How long was I out?”

“Three hours.”

Danny swallows against the bile rising in his throat, running a hand through his hair. “Three hours…”

“He was hurt pretty bad.”

“I know.” Danny sighs, trying to stand again. “I can’t stay here Junior. I need to be out there, waiting for…”

Waiting for what? His brain asks, a niggling voice. For them to tell you they’re sorry, they did everything they can, but…

But nothing. He shuts it down before he can spiral. Buck will be okay. He is so much tougher than everyone gives him credit for, and Danny will not give up on him. Not now. Not ever.

Junior looks like he wants to argue, but thinks better of it, and reluctantly goes to speak with Danny’s doctor. When he returns with a wheelchair, it’s Danny who knows better than to argue, and lets Junior wheel him to where both Five-0 and the 118 are. Together, they settle in for the long wait.


	13. Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tense wait at the hospital brings back painful memories for all involved. A life hangs in the balance, and a choice is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.
> 
> I will say I've had this chapter written for ages, but I love that some of you have guessed what was bound to happen :D

**Five-0/118**

Bobby remembers the first time he met Buck; a wet behind the ears kid with too much confidence and swagger. He’d been pretty sure that he’d only last a week at the firehouse, max. He was quickly proven wrong, despite Buck’s mistakes, and the younger man succeeded in worming his way into Bobby’s heart. Since then Bobby had thought of Buck as his son – Athena had joked about adoption papers more than once – and it was that reason that had caused Bobby to act the way he had.

He’d been so scared at the thought of losing Buck when he was pinned under the truck, losing him to Bobby’s own mistakes and failures, but Buck had pulled through and come back even stronger. Bobby had been so proud then, hearing how Buck had not only passed his re-cert’s but had actually broken the record. Then the embolism happened, and Buck was on blood thinners. Then, fear was all Bobby had known.

So he’d told the fire chief that he wasn’t ready to have Buck back. He’d gone down the wrong path, rather than talking to Buck outright, and then felt betrayed and hurt when Buck pushed back. He’d made Buck feel like he didn’t care, when it was the exact opposite that was true.

That was the thing Bobby Nash now most regretted, and now he wondered whether he would ever get the chance to make it right. Head buried in his hands, Bobby cried.

It was times like this when Hen wishes she wasn’t a paramedic; that she didn’t know how slim Buck’s chances actually were. She wished she could feel the hope that long waits sometimes brought – the ‘no news is good news’ mantra – or even the hope she’d felt when Buck’s pulse had fluttered beneath her fingers. Now all the felt was cold, solid dread.

This is the day they would lose Buck.

After everything he’d been through, all the chances he’d used, all the times he’d cheated the grim reaper, Hen couldn’t shake the feeling that his nine lives were up. She couldn’t shake the feeling of an ethereal presence just waiting with them; waiting to take Buck away for good.

Bobby was sobbing quietly on the other side of her, and it made her feel sick to her core to see the normally strong captain reduced to a shaking mess, but she couldn’t bring herself to try and comfort him. There was nothing she could say, no comfort she could bring.

Henrietta Wilson knew the harsh reality they were facing.

Henrietta Wilson felt numb.

Howard Han was tired.

He was tired of seeing the people he cared about most injured, hurt, upset; tired of losing people. He was tired of the feeling that hung heavy in the air of the waiting room; a stale mix of false hope and despair.

What did Buck ever do wrong, to deserve any of this?

The answer was nothing. Sure he’d made mistakes – so had most people – but nothing of any significant consequence to warrant the string of bad luck he’d had following him. Nothing to warrant the hurt they’d all put him through back in L.A. Nothing to feel like the people who said they were his family didn’t care.

That was what had stuck with him the most, when Buck had finally – briefly – spoken to them the night before. How Buck had fallen into the darkest pit of despair, and none of them had even noticed. How he’d thought they wouldn’t care.

Howard Han felt disgusted with himself, for not noticing his friend was in pain. He felt disgusted in everything they’d caused leading up to this moment.

Howard Han also hated giving bad news, and yet the buzzing of his phone in his pocket reminded him of Maddie.

He needed to call Maddie.

He clears his throat, excuses himself even though no-one pays him any mind, and slips into the nearby hallway. Pulling his phone out, he isn’t surprised to see Maddie had been the one calling him, or that she had called several times, leaving multiple messages.

With a deep, bone weary sigh, he presses call.

“Howard!” She picks up almost immediately. “Where the hell have you been?!”

“Maddie…” He swallows, because how do you even begin such a conversation. For all the times he’d given bad news to people, never had it been this personal. “I’m sorry but I… uh… something happened.”

“Howie?”

“We’re at the hospital. It’s… It’s Buck…”

“What?” Her voice sounds so small, and he hates being the one to have caused it, however inadvertently.

“We… uh…” He can’t bring himself to say how they’d followed Buck over part of the island. “He was working, but… Maddie, there was a bomb. We helped get him out, treated him at… at the scene, but… it’s bad Maddie. It’s really bad.”

All he can hear are her strangled sobs, and he wants nothing more than to hug her, to provide some comfort. There’s nothing he can say.

“You should… You should get here.”

“Okay…” Her voice is soft, tearful. “Okay…”

He tells her the details, tells her he loves her, and reluctantly hangs up.

He just hopes she gets there in time.

Everything in Tani hurts.

Looking around the waiting room at her ohana, pacing the floor until she’s sure she’s worn a path into it, seeing how they’re all staring blankly at walls and floors, it hurts.

Thinking of Buck, fighting for his life, hurts.

Even seeing the despair etched onto the faces of the 118, people she knows she shouldn’t like for everything they’d done to Buck, still hurts.

It hurts, because she knows how bad this is. She knows that Buck might not pull through. It hurts because she might lose the only brother she’s ever known.

She hears one of the firefighters say they’re going to call his sister, watches as no-one even blinks, and all she can think is that if she truly were Buck’s sister, she never would have pushed him away, never would have let him go.

Evan Buckley has been her rock for the past six months, through her troubles with Junior, with her family, even a pregnancy scare. He has stayed with her through it all, a constant companion, and now… she can’t bear to think of her life without him.

Every part of her is screaming ‘Not Buck. Not Buck. Not today,’ but she doubts that any deity is listening. Her hope is fading with every passing minute.

She hurts.

**Buck**

Buck feels fuzzy, and he can’t quite remember what happened or how he’s gotten here, but he finds himself staring out at the lanai. The waters are calm and pure and beautiful, and he just loves the way the sun glistens on the surface as it rises. They’re at Steve’s place, the deck chairs behind him, but he’s standing on the sand, feeling the heat sink into his skin.

For a moment his eyes flutter closed, then there’s a voice calling out to him. He turns, beaming at Eddie. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Eddie’s wearing a black tux, a trimmed white rose in his hand, and he’s beaming back at Buck with such intensity. “You ready?”

Buck bounds on the balls of his feet. All he can feel is excitement and love and certainty. It’s the best he’s ever felt in his entire life. “More than ready.”

Eddie tucks the rose into his lapel, fixes his tie, and tucks an errant piece of hair behind his eyes. “Perfect.”

They walk up passed Steve’s house, then out to the side. The path opens up, revealing a huge clearing that has been set up with chairs and an archway, and two long strips of velvet carpet in a T shape. Buck fiddles with the ring on his finger, a single diamond inset, as he looks out over the area, spotting so many friends and family from years past.

The music starts up, and Eddie holds out his arm for him. Buck holds on, and they walk forward.

The aisle seems to stretch on in front of him as they pass under the archway, but then he spots several familiar faces at the end, and his heart just stutters and thumps erratically in response.

He sees Steve first, stood to the left, wearing a similar tux to Eddie. Steve is beaming at them, and Buck can see the pride radiating from him. Beside him is Christopher, also wearing a tux. He’s a bit older than when Buck saw him last, but he waves enthusiastically at Buck, and he feels himself chuckle.

“Mijo couldn’t even sleep.” Eddie whispers in his ear.

Then Buck looks to the other side, and his heart beats faster. Grace looks beautiful in her long pink dress, hair arranged in a braided tiara dotted with tiny flowers. An empty basket is in her hands; a circlet of flowers hanging around her neck. Maddie stands behind her, hand on Grace’s shoulder, wearing a matching dress and hair style. She’s beaming at her brother. Beside them is Charlie, also in a tux and wearing a circlet of flowers. He holds a pillow steadily in his hands, two golden bands sitting atop it.

To their right, is Danny, and Buck has never seen his fiancé look so incredibly perfect. His white tux, embroidered with gold, matches Buck’s, complete with the white rose. His hair is gelled back, eyes glistening with tears in the morning sun as he settles eyes on Buck for the first time in 24 hours.

For the first time in his life, Buck feels like everything has settled completely into place. It’s all perfect.

When he reaches the front, Eddie gently lets him go, and he takes Danny’s hands, standing in front of the officiant. Their gaze barely breaks through the whole ceremony, except when Charlie presents the rings that they place onto each other’s fingers, and when both Grace and Charlie present them with the circlets of flowers, which they hang around each other’s necks.

“Love you papi.” Charlie whispers, hugging Buck.

“Love you pop.” Grace echoes, joining her brother.

Buck hugs them tight as he and Danny are pronounced husbands. He’s officially Evan Buckley-Williams. Then his and Danny’s lips meet, and Buck has never felt so complete.

**The OR**

“Heart rate’s spiking!” A nurse calls out. “O2 dropping!”

The lead surgeon curses, situated at the head of Buck’s operating table, fingers deftly moving implements that are protruding into Buck’s skull. “Second bleeder. Suction!”

There’s a sick slurping sound as blood whooshes up the tube.

“Retraction! There it is…” Deft movements stem the bleed, close and stitch it. She’s not the Island’s leading neurosurgeon for nothing. Buck’s eyes are still fluttering wildly behind the tape, and she risks a look at several of the monitors. “Heart rate still elevated. ICP is too high for me to close this wound completely. Shunt!”

She works silently for close to half an hour. Several paces away, another team is working on Buck’s stomach area, calling out their own actions. She’s satisfied with the work, watching as the ICP number dips just a little; enough to give her hope.

Then the monitor is beeping wildly again, and she barks out. “O2 bottoming out! Push the stem! What’s going on down there?!”

A nurse slides the breathing tube farther down Buck’s throat, taps the screen a handful of times, and lets out a sigh when the oxygen levels increase again. But the lead surgeon is more focused on the second team at Buck’s waist as her best consultant looks up, grim. “We’ve got a problem.”

**Danny**

Danny’s never been religious, but at that point in time, he’ll take any help he can get.

The chapel is empty besides him, and the quiet is both soothing and suffocating at the same time. It allows him to think. It gives him too much to think about.

Quinn offered to stay with him after wheeling him there, but Danny refused. He needed to be alone. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, let them all see him break down. He had too much pride for that.

Instead his tears just plink softly to the floor, his gaze fixated on the figure of Jesus at the front of the hall. “You’re not taking him today, you hear me?” His eyes are a sea of anguish and fire. “Not ever.”

There’s too much for he and Buck to do first. Was it only really two nights ago that they’d returned from L.A., curled up beside each other. Only yesterday morning that they’d finally admitted that they felt something more than friendship for each other?

It was too short. Danny needed more time. He had to have more time.

There were so many things they could do. A first date, more dates, anniversaries, family gatherings, visiting Grace and seeing Charlie off to College when that time came; all things Buck deserved. Everything Buck deserved.

He’s reminded again of when he’d been shot in isolation, and the hallucinations he’d had of Grace’s wedding, and of growing old with Steve. Now he could picture them differently. He could picture both he and Buck giving Gracie away, holding each other close as they let their tears flow. He could see himself and Buck, hands still knotted together as they napped under the mid-day sun, their hair grey but their tans never better.

Maybe it was too much to ask for. Maybe Buck was right, and everything good did go away all too soon.

This… This wasn’t something Danny could fight. This wasn’t something he could keep Buck from. He couldn’t save him. He couldn’t do anything.

Sobs wrack his body until he’s just sat there, shaking like a leaf. He can’t hold it together anymore, can’t hold on to that little thread of hope.

He’s going to lose Evan, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

**Eddie**

He couldn’t stay in the waiting room any longer. The white walls, blank or anguished faces, the tension; it was all too much.

He finds himself walking until he meets the sea, and then he just stands there, staring out at the blue for the longest time. The waves are so calm, so peaceful, and Eddie wants it to help. By god, he wants it to soothe the storm he feels inside.

Instead, it just angers him.

The world is going on as if nothing is happening, as if Buck isn’t fighting for his life. It goes on as if their anguish is nothing, just an insignificant speck in the long stretch that the earth has been here.

It goes on, as if Buck means nothing.

It doesn’t know that Buck means everything, to every single person waiting to hear if he’s okay; if he’s even alive.

Eddie doesn’t know the Five-0 team at all. In any other situation, he could care less. He just wanted to bring Buck home, to tell him how sorry he was, and how much he loved him. But now, looking at them, he can see they care as much as the 118 do; as much as Buck once knew they did. He knows, looking at them, that Buck has carved himself another family here, and they would be wrong to try and break it apart.

Which leaves him with too many feelings, and he doesn’t know which way is up.

If Buck survives, if he’s okay, what then? He stays here, stays with the Williams guy, and what? The 118 just packs up and goes home?

He knows they would have to, but he’d once hoped Buck would be joining them.

Now, Eddie just feels broken hearted. No matter what happens, he doesn’t know if he can just carry on without Buck, as if everything is fine. No matter what happens, he knows his family will never be the same.

His phone rings in his pocket, and he manages to speak to Abuela, to tell her what’s happened. He hears her pray for Buck’s soul, tells him to be careful, and then he’s speaking to his son, and he has to pretend that his entire body isn’t shredding itself apart.

“Is Bucky there?” Chris asks, and Eddie knows how much he’s been missing him.

He swallows thickly, pasting on a smile. “He’s not well at the moment buddy, but I’m sure he’ll say hi soon.”

His son beams back at him, and Eddie feels like the worst parent in the world.

How can he lie to his son and pretend Buck is going to be okay?

How can he tell him Buck might not be okay?

Eddie feels like he’s been thrown inside a tornado, and he doesn’t know when or where he’s going to land.

**Danny**

By the time he returns to the waiting room, another hour has passed. He feels like he’s walking on eggshells, just waiting for the floor to break beneath him. No-one dares speak, not even to utter words of hope or reassurance.

They know it’s too much to ask for.

He sees Diaz walk back inside, looking worse than when Danny had left for the chapel. He’s red faced, and had clearly been crying. A part of Danny feels sorry for him, but then a doctor appears, and all other thoughts fly out of his head.

He’s up in a flash, forgetting his own orders to stay in the wheelchair. “Doc, what’s going on? Is Evan… Is he okay?”

The doctor’s expression gives nothing away, but there’s a tightness around his eyes that tells Danny whatever he has to say is not good. “Detective, you’re the Lieutenant’s emergency contact, correct?”

Danny swallows, but nods. “Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of all of us.” He looks to everyone behind him, even the 118. “They’re family.”

The doctor sighs quietly, but lifts the clipboard he’d been holding. Danny feels his chest constrict. Clipboards are not good. Clipboards mean there are too many things to remember.

“Lieutenant Buckley suffered two gunshot wounds, a rebar puncture, and a severe head laceration, not including minor injuries such as the broken clavicle. I won’t lie, he was critical when he arrived, and he remains in such condition now.”

Danny feels himself sway a little, and grabs for the wall. In a second, Tani is behind him, lending her support.

“The shoulder wound was only of minor concern, mainly in respect of the blood loss. We’re continuing to transfer blood to the Lieutenant, and those stats are stable, for now. The head wound was originally our greatest concern, but Doctor Kapiole closed off two bleeds perfectly. His intercranial pressure has risen as a result, so we’ve had to put a shunt in to monitor and relieve the pressure. He’s in a medically induced coma until such time we feel we can take him out of it.”

“So, he’s gonna be okay?” Danny almost didn’t dare let himself hope, but if they were talking about taking him out of the coma, then surely…

The clipboard goes limp against the doctor’s side, and he suddenly looks so sad. “I really wish I could say that Detective, but the damage to his stomach was worse than we originally suspected. The bullet nicked a major artery before lodging itself within the lieutenant’s liver. It would have been treatable, were it not for the rebar puncture he then sustained. The force of the impact shattered the bullet into four pieces, each of which travelled further into his liver.”

Danny can feel his legs giving way beneath him as he’s reminded vividly of what happened to Steve. He remembers the fear, the anguish, but even that pales in comparison to now. Still, he knows there was an option then, so surely…

“… find a donor, but –“

“Just give him part of mine.” Danny says, and its déjà vu but he doesn’t hesitate for a second. “You did it for Steve, so you can do it for Buck. We’re the same blood type.”

Yet the doctor is shaking his head, his hand on Danny’s shoulder, “I’m afraid that’s not possible,” and Danny can’t take it anymore. He’s sick of the ‘I’m sorry’s’ and the looks and the concern and he just needs someone to fix it.

“So make it possible!” He shouts, erupting like a volcano of anguish and despair. “I don’t care how many signs I have to fill in, you damn well just do it!”

“Detective, it isn’t simply about you. It would be ill-advisable yes, considering your own trauma, a fact that you bypassed last time, but the fact remains-“

“The fact remains that you need to save his life!”

“The fact remains, Detective, that you cannot donate twice.”

Danny’s fist hits the wall. “Why the hell not?!” Plaster sprinkles to the floor, and his knuckles ache, he can smell the metallic tang of blood in the air, but the pain helps somewhat. Its grounding. It tells him that this is not a dream, a twisted nightmare. It tells him he needs to fight for them to save Buck. He might not be able to fight for Buck himself, but he can surely fight for this.

He will not let them just give up on Evan Buckley.

“I will sign every waiver you give me, but you are not going to let him die!”

“I’ll do it.”

Danny turns slowly, blinking as Diaz steps forward.

“I’m the same blood type as Buck too, and I’ve never donated.”

It seems to take the doctor a second to switch from arguing against Danny’s stubborn death wish to contemplating Eddie’s offer, but eventually he nods, and scribbles something down.

“I’ll have a nurse bring you down the forms, run some tests, and then we’ll take you up to theatre within the hour.”

In a blink, he’s gone, and Danny’s left staring at Eddie Diaz like he’s grown a second head. He can’t quite grasp the complexity of the offer, of what it means, but he’s thankful. He’s so damn thankful.

Eddie just nods. “I won’t let him die either.”

The air in the room seems to ease then. Suddenly there’s not just hope; suddenly their two families have started to become one. Evan Buckley is a bridge between the 118 and Five-0, and none of them are ready to give up on him.

Then the doors slide open behind them, a very familiar figure walking inside, and all hell breaks loose.

“Steve!”

“Steve!”

“Where’s Danny?”

“What are you…?”

“I saw the news. I saw the blast. Where is – “

“You bastard!” Danny’s fist connects with Steve’s jaw, knocking the taller man to the ground. “Where the hell have you been?!”

Steve coughs, wincing. “Nice to see you too, Danno.”


	14. Ohana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is back. Danny blows a fuse. Eddie goes under. Mei pays the price for her misdeeds. Everyone waits by Buck’s bedside for him to wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Hawaii 5-0 or 9-1-1. Title taken from the Within Temptation song, which I also don’t own.
> 
> Trigger warnings for depression and thoughts of suicide. If you are struggling, please talk to a friend, family member, or trained professional.
> 
> Danny is 38. Buck is 32. Steve and Eddie are both 35.

**Danny**

“Don’t. Call. Me. Danno.” All Danny can feel in that moment is anger. For all the times he’s tried to call Steve, all the stilted text conversations, and now the voicemails he’d left, and this is the time Steve decides to show up.

Steve grumbles as he stands, wiping a bead of blood from his lower lip. “Not the welcome I was expecting.”

“Try keeping in contact.” Danny snaps. “Maybe then you’ll find you’re missed.”

Steve flinches. He’d been expecting Danny to be upset, but not downright venomous. “Danno…”

“Steve, I swear to god…” Danny’s trying to hard to keep his anger at bay. It wasn’t right to hit Steve, and he knows that, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good. For all their relationship had developed over the years, he felt like they were right back to the beginning again.

“What? Only Buck gets to call you that?”

There’s a bitterness in Steve’s voice that has Danny laughing. Of all the nerve. “You left, Steve! I was out of the hospital a week, and you left, and you didn’t even try to keep in contact. Now you’re back and what, you expect me to be exactly the same as when you left? What am I, Eddie? You think I’m gonna come running back, just hoping you brought me a bone? Give me a break. I’ve got other things to worry about right now.”

“You’re right. I screwed up, and I’m sorry.” Steve is silent for a moment, and then he reluctantly reaches out for Danny’s shoulder. “I really am glad you’re okay.”

Danny doesn’t step away, to his credit, but the look he gives Steve is sharp. “I don’t need your concern right now Steven. I’m not the one fighting for my life.”

Steve’s hand falls, eyes widening. “Buck?”

Danny shakes his head, and the tears are falling again. “It’s not good.”

Steve reaches for him then, pulling Danny into a tight embrace. “He’s tough. He’ll be okay.”

Danny nods against his shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears, and pulls away. He takes a deep breath and composes himself. “You’re here to catch Mei?”

“What do you need?”

Danny looks back to the rest of the team who are all looking at them expectantly. He knows they’re not going to like what he has to say, but he also knows they’ll understand. “Take the team back to The Palace. Find her, catch her, put a bullet in her brain, I don’t care. I want her off our islands.”

If Steve is shocked or confused by the venom of Danny’s response, he doesn’t comment. He simply nods, gives Danny another tight hug, and heads out with the rest of Five-0.

Danny seems to deflate once they’re out of sight, slumping back down into a chair. Hen is the one to sit next to him, putting a tentative arm around his shoulder.

Neither speak.

**Eddie**

True to the doctor’s words, they come for him within the hour. The forms are pretty standard, being they don’t have any of his medical history, and there’s a waiver considering the small risks involved. Eddie thinks of his son, hesitates for the briefest moment, but he knows Chris would want him to do everything to save ‘his Buck’. There’s no question.

He scribbles a signature, passes the forms back, and gives the nurse a tight smile. “I’m ready.”

She nods and starts to lead him away from the others. Bobby claps a hand on his shoulder. Chim and Hen both hug him.

Danny just stares at him for the longest moment. Eddie has to admit that the man looks completely broken, the depths of his blue eyes swirling with so many torrid emotions. Then he nods. “Thank you, Eddie.”

“For Buck.” Eddie replies. He’s still not sure what he makes of the man, what he feels for Buck or what that means for Eddie himself. But Buck was his best friend. Right now, nothing else matters.

Danny nods again; understands. “For Buck.”

Then Eddie is gone, dressed into a gown and taken into the operating theatre.

They talk him through the procedure, and give him a few notes on expected recovery time. They say they’ll talk through everything more later, that he’ll have notes, but they’re giving him a last chance to back out. His response; “Hell, no.”

Then they wheel Buck in, and Eddie’s breath hitches. His best friend – former best friend? – looks already dead. He’s so pale, even with the IV providing life saving transfusions, and he has a stark white bandage over his head, a plastic shunt poking through. His shoulder is also bandaged, a gauze patch over his lower stomach. The worst thing though, is the breathing tube winding its way into Buck’s mouth. It means his friend can’t breath on his own – means he’s way too close to that final door – and Eddie can’t comprehend that.

They may have been waiting for hours, may have heard the facts, but seeing it is an all too different notion for him to accept.

He can hear a sob tear from his throat, and one of Buck’s surgeons looks over. It’s the woman from before. She nods. “We’re doing everything we can. You’re a brave man to help your friend.”

Eddie swallows, forcing himself to calm. Getting upset is going to do worse damage if they decide they can’t put him under. “I’d do anything for him. Anything.”

It’s the truest words he’s ever spoken, but as the anaesthesia starts to take him, another thought comes to mind.

If that really is true, would he also let Buck go?

Then he’s under, and Eddie dreams.

_He walks in a sea of blue and green. The air is crisp, the sky clear, and the sun warm on his skin. He’s surrounded by acres of lush grass and trees so tall he can barely see the pinnacle. There’s blossom in the air, bright colours swirling on the breeze._

_A laugh breaks the silence, light and free and joyous. His son. Christopher is racing in front of him as fast as his crutches allow, another boy chasing after him. He’s calling out, “Come on!” but Eddie doesn’t catch the other boy’s name. He’s never seen him before, but his son is giggling, and that’s all Eddie needs._

_They come back past him, and Eddie turns to follow. He sees a marquis in the distance, people milling about. Most of them are wearing beautiful dresses or a tux, and Eddie realises that he is too. He tugs at the sleeves, confused, and starts walking over._

_The first person he sees is Buck. He’s wearing a white and gold tailored tux, and all Eddie can feel is relief._

_He’s alive._

_He’s okay._

_Buck spots him, beaming, and waves. Eddie moves to go over, to hug him tight and never let him go, to tell him all the things he never got to say, but then Carla is at his side, also beaming._

_“Our boy’s grown up, huh?”_

_Eddie’s brows knit together. “What?”_

_Carla laughs. “Did you ever think we’d see Evan Buckley get married? Settle down? 2.4 kids and the white picket fence deal. I almost feel like I’m dreaming.”_

_Eddie gets the distinct feeling that he is too. “Who’d he marry?”_

_Carla fixes him with her patented look. “Edmundo Diaz, I know you’re not the guy’s biggest fan, but he is Chris’ pseudo-Uncle now.” She shakes her head. “Don’t ruin this for Buck.”_

_Eddie’s head is spinning, and he finds himself stumbling towards Buck. He has so many questions, too many, and he’s pretty sure he’s not going to like the answers._

_“Hey.” Buck is still beaming at him, and Eddie knows that nothing can change that. Not today. “Can you believe it? I’m a married man.”_

_Eddie can’t, but he doesn’t say so, just pulls Buck into the tightest hug. When they part, he offers a tight smile. “So where’s your beau?”_

_“I think he’s talking to his parents.” Buck replies, and Eddie feels his heart clench again._

_He._

_But Buck is oblivious to Eddie’s torment, and continues. “Can you believe I’m officially Evan Buckley-Williams?”_

_That is the exact moment Eddie feels his heart shatter._

_Danny. He’s married to Danny. They’re in Hawaii, and Buck is never coming home._

_There’s a ringing in his ears that takes over Buck talking about Danny and his kids; how he’s so thankful they let him into their lives; how they saved him. But then Buck’s looking back at him, saying, “I’m so glad you’re here Eddie. I don’t… this wouldn’t have been the same without you. You’re my best friend.” Then it’s Buck who’s hugging Eddie tightly. “I’m so glad we’re okay.”_

_Eddie just hugs him. “We’re always okay.”_

The scene fades away as Eddie comes to. His eyes blink open, gritty and blurred, and his tongue is heavy in his mouth.

“Welcome back.” A voice he doesn’t recognise says, and he feels someone put a straw into his mouth. He slurps greedily at the water, enjoys how it sooths his dry mouth and throat. As his vision clears, he sees a nurse hovering beside him. She moves back the straw, and smiles softly. “Your surgery went perfectly. You’ll be a little sore, but you’ll be back to normal within two weeks.”

He is grateful, but the mention of surgery just makes him think of Buck. “And Buck? Evan? Is he okay?”

“He’s still in surgery, but his chances are much better. You’ve really helped.”

She leaves him then, telling him to press the call button if he needs, but he’s barely listening. All he can think is; has he done enough?

Ten minutes pass when the door opens again, but Eddie is surprised to see not a nurse, but Danny. His heart leaps in his chest, panicked, before he realises that they can’t possibly know anything more yet. He’s watched the seconds tick by. He knows it’s too soon.

Instead he just looks at the man with a befuddled expression.

Danny’s quiet, and takes the seat next to Eddie’s bed. “I asked them to give you a double private. They’re going to bring Evan here when he’s out.”

Eddie nods. He’s grateful for that. “They tell you anything?”

“Just that his chances are better, thanks to you.” There are tears in Danny’s eyes again – or did they ever leave?

“You would have done the same.” Eddie finds himself saying. “You offered first.”

Danny mumbles an affirmation, but up close Eddie can see how pale the other man is himself, and as a paramedic, part of him worries. “You okay?” He asks, reaching a hand out for Danny’s arm.

The other man doesn’t move, just nods. “’m good. Just tired.”

“You should be resting too.” Eddie says. “I heard you got a nasty concussion yourself.”

“’s why I’m not sleeping.” He yawns, turning his gaze to Eddie. “But I’ve had worse.”

Eddie remembers the reports. He says as much. Danny just laughs. “When you work with Steve McGarrett, danger becomes breakfast.”

The mention of McGarrett brings back some of Eddie’s questions, and he can’t help but say. “Did Buck know him… before, I mean.”

“He and Steve were Navy buddies. I don’t know all the details, but Buck visited a handful of times. We got close, talked over the phone a lot.” Danny pauses. “It’s why I knew he was in trouble.”

Eddie remembers Buck’s confession. “He said he called you?”

“I’d never been so scared. Until now, anyway.” A sad laugh escapes him. “Feel like he brushes with near death almost as much as Steve.”

Eddie swallows. “We messed up, and we know it.”

“You did.” Danny doesn’t try to sugar coat it, and Eddie’s thankful for the honesty. “But… I think it hurts Buck still, to keep you all at a distance. He needs closure… or something.”

Eddie nods. “When he wakes up, we’ll talk.”

Danny’s eyes are on him for just a second, but they’re piercing. “When he wakes up.”

**Lincoln/Steve**

It was a strange feeling for Steve to be heading to The Palace after so long, but specifically to be in a car other than Danny’s or his own, and not be the one driving. Still, with a bruise from Danny starting to show on his jaw, he knows better to complain. He can sense that he’s rocked the boat by returning, that everyone’s minds are on Buck, and he can’t be selfish. Not anymore.

Still, he has to ask. “How… How’ve things been?” The unspoken question; how’s Danny been?

Lincoln sighs. “I’m not gonna lie, Steve. You leaving, breaking most contact, it’s been rough. But Danny’s brought us through it. He’s the best leader Five-0 could’a’ asked for.”

“And Buck?”

“He joined about two weeks after you left. Danny brought him on, told us Buck couldn’t stay in L.A. anymore. He’s been livin’ with him and Charlie since.”

That explains why Danny’s so upset by the situation. They’ve obviously gotten very close in Steve’s absence. It sends a pain through him, but he knows he only has himself to blame. “They’re partners?”

“You could say that.” Lincoln chuckles, and Steve feels like he’s missed a beat. It must show on his face, because Linc’ adds. “They’re dating, Steve.”

Steve chokes. His chest tightens, and he has to cough a few times to bring himself back. “What?” He knows his voice has to betray him now, but of course Lincoln hadn’t been around he and Danny much before everything changed.

Lincoln is still smiling, a little oblivious to Steve’s anguish. “They ain’t told us yet, but anyone can tell. You ever seen Danny this torn up?”

With the exception of Grace and Charlie, Steve hasn’t, but he has heard about it; after the plane crash. It hits him suddenly that he’s not only hurt Danny, but has pretty much thrown away their ten years, and everything that came with it, over a stupid pipe dream.

The only peace he’s ever known is with Danno, he’s realised that now, but it seems Danny has moved on without him. The realisation hurts more than any injury he’s ever gotten.

“But yeah,” Lincoln continues, “at Five-0 they’re partners. Me and Quinn, Adam and Lou, Tani and Junior. Pretty sweet set-up when it comes to cases. We cover so much ground.”

The pain that seems to be eating Steve from the inside is ready to swallow him whole. He knew it, if he’d thought about it, but hearing it put so plainly that there’s no place left for him here anymore is hard.

The worst thing is, it was his choice, and he regrets it now more than anything.

“I’m proud of you.” He manages, forcing a smile. “All of you.”

Lincoln nods, pulling up. “Come on. We can’t do much for Buck right now, or Danny, but we can catch Mei.”

Steve feels determination flood through him as he exits the car, staring up at The Palace. “We will.”

In the end, they don’t have to go far; Mei comes to them.

Steve had almost forgotten how much information she could access. Of course she’d know he’d come back. She’d probably been tracking him from the airport, waiting for the right time to strike.

The palace doors swing open, and it’s dark. The lights flicker, but don’t come on. Lincoln draws his gun immediately, hands Steve his second.

“Something’s not right.”

Steve holds the piece in front of him, familiarity flooding through him. They sweep the area, finding nothing but a dead security guard. Steve takes a moment to close his eyes, remembering the man, but then they’re heading further inside, the rest of Five-0 only a few paces behind them.

The next few minutes are a blur, a haze of bullets and gunfire as Mei’s minions come out of the woodwork. Steve takes a graze to the leg, Quinn one to the arm, but they’re mostly unharmed. They make it into their main headquarters before Mei appears.

Had the situation been different, Steve might have marvelled over how little has changed, but how eerie it is to see Grover’s name on his old office, Buck’s on what was Grover’s. Instead, there’s not even a split second to notice. Instead, he has his gun trained on Mei, and all he wants to do is pull the trigger.

She tuts, smirking at all of them. “Looks like you’re a few men short, McGarrett. I wonder why that is?”

Steve’s finger is shaking now, but he holds firm, glaring down the barrel at her. “You’re not getting away this time, Mei.”

“Shouldn’t you be more concerned about your Lieutenant?”

“He’s in the best hands.” Steve snaps.

“Is he really?” Mei’s looking like the cat who got the cream, and Steve has a bad feeling uncoiling in his gut. “Maybe you should check on that.”

“If you’ve done anything more…” Steve can’t even contemplate the thought. “You won’t get a trial, I swear to god. I’ll take you down myself.”

“You couldn’t before.” She says. “Why could you now?” Then she’s off, grasping at the window ledge to swing herself out.

She doesn’t get far.

A single shot echoes, a sharp split of the silence. Mei tumbles, out the window and to the ground. In a second, Tani is through the window after her, and Steve has to blink, unfreeze, before he can follow.

Tani’s stood over a gasping Mei, weapon pointed. “That was for Buck, you bitch.”

Mei gasps, blood bubbling out of her mouth. Steve doesn’t have to check the wound to know she’s dying. “He… He’s already… dead…” A sick laugh escapes her, and then another shot sounds. Mei’s body jerks and is still.

Steve feels numb, and he isn’t sure if it’s because it’s over, or because he wasn’t the one to do it. It takes him a second to remember to breathe again, then his hand is on Tani’s arm, lowering it. He’s speaking calmly, telling her to relax, to put the gun away.

She complies, slowly, and then she’s blinking up at Steve like she’s been in a fog. “I had to… I had to…”

Steve hugs her tight. “It’s okay.”

Like a freight train, they remember her words, and then Tani is looking up at him, wide eyed. “Buck… We have to call Danny.”

**Danny**

They’d brought Buck in an hour ago, and since then Danny hasn’t left his side. His hand is curled around Buck’s, mindful of the IV’s and monitors but holding tight. A part of him is afraid that he’ll disappear if he lets go.

He tries not to look too hard at Buck’s head, or any of his injuries, for that matter. He’s glued onto Buck’s eyelids, just waiting for any sign of him waking up. He knows he might be waiting for a long while.

A part of him feels bad for abandoning Eddie on the other side of the room, but the 118 have alternated between sitting with him, and he’s now asleep. For all Danny had hated about him, their talk had cleared the air a little, and he knew how much Eddie meant to Buck, even if Buck hadn’t admitted it in a while.

He doesn’t know how long he stays sitting there before the door opens, but it takes him a minute to register the noise, his head swivelling like an owl.

It’s a nurse, his hands gloved around a tray. The tray itself holds a needle and a vial, and Danny wonders what sort of concoction they’re giving to Buck now.

The nurse gives Danny a smile as he stands beside Buck’s IV line, preparing the dose, but when Danny catches a glimpse of the label, he goes cold. “You can’t give him that.”

The nurse frowns, but doesn’t stop his movements. “Doctor’s orders, sir.”

“Which doctor? Buck can’t have carbonacilla. He’s allergic to beta-lactums.”

The nurse blinks, checks Buck’s chart, and shakes his head. “It’s not on his chart.”

Danny moves without thinking, slapping the needle away as the nurse brings it to the IV. “Stop!” He sees a glimpse of metal tucked into the nurse’s waistband, and in a second his own weapon is drawn.

The ‘nurse’ is fast, drawing the gun, but Danny is quicker, and he lets off two shots. The ‘nurse’ hits the back wall and slumps down, dead.

The next second, the door bursts open, more medical staff running inside, while Eddie is awake on the next bed, shouting.

Danny is furious. This is obviously Mei’s doing but now Danny can’t trust a single person in the medical centre, bar one. “Everyone out!” He pushes them away, into the hall, the epitome of fury. “No-one is allowed in this room with the exception of Dr Kapiole, got it!”

He slams the door shut, breathing heavily. Eddie is staring at him, then at the dead ‘nurse’, then back at Danny. Danny shakes his head in response and pulls out his phone. “This is Detective Danny Williams of Five-0. I need officers to the Kalui Medical Centre, ASAP, for protective detail on Lieutenant Buckley.”

He closes the phone, slides back into the chair, and says to Eddie. “He’s fine. They didn’t get close enough.” He wonders if he’s also telling himself that. Then his phone is ringing, and he has to shake away the thoughts that were threatening to spiral.

“Williams.”

“Danny!” It’s Tani, and she sounds panicked. Danny feels his heart-rate pick up again. “Where’s Buck?”

“He’s right next to me.”

He can hear Tani breathe a sigh of relief. “Mei’s taken care of, but we think she had one last move against Buck.”

“If you mean the fact that I got a dead nurse next to the bed, then we’re good.” Danny replies, scrubbing a hand over his face. “You’ve got her?”

“She won’t be hurting anyone else.” Tani replies, and Danny doesn’t need to ask. He doesn’t care. “Take care of Buck. We’ll be there soon.”

“Room 202.” Danny replies, and ends the call. His hand drifts back to Buck’s, squeezing gently. “What am I gonna do with you, you danger magnet?”

“Wrapping him in bubble wrap doesn’t work.” Eddie chuckles. “We already tried.”

“I’d love to see a picture of that.” Danny laughs, lips turning up into a smile for the first time in a while.

Eddie reaches for his phone, pulling up one of his favourite pictures, and faces it to Danny.

It’s Buck at the Diaz house, wrapped from shoulders to toes in thick layers of bubble wrap.

“We were actually helping a friend move house.” Eddie says. “Christopher wanted to play around with it, so Buck joked that we should wrap him up and hit him with ‘bubble-wrap gloves’. It was fun, until Buck fell over and hit his head on a coffee table. Like I said, it doesn’t work.”

Danny finds himself laughing softly. “Christopher is your son?”

Eddie nods. “He’s 9, and Buck is his favourite person in the whole world.”

“Charlie’s the same.” Danny grins. “I sometimes think he loves Buck more than me.”

“I know that.”

“Does he miss him?” Danny sobers, a crease at his eyes. “Your son. Does he miss Buck?”

“Every day.” Eddie sighs. “That’s the worst thing about all of this. None of it had anything to do with him.”

“I think Buck misses him too.” Danny says, looking back at Buck. “There’s a picture on his desk, cute kid with glasses and fluffy hair, and sometimes I catch him just… looking at it.”

Eddie bites his lip. “You said before… about closure. I don’t know how this ends.”

Danny doesn’t reply. He doesn’t either, but he can’t express his hope that Buck will stay in Hawaii, at least not to Eddie. Instead he just says. “You’re a good friend.”

Eddie doesn’t look convinced, and Danny has a feeling he knows why.

In the end, he knows one of them will end up broken hearted.

A week passes.

For the first two days, both the 118 and Five-0 alternate between sitting at Buck’s bedside. It means Danny could get some rest himself, and get back to Charlie. He’s reluctant, of course, but they basically force him out by saying that Buck would not want him to run himself into the ground. But then the 118 – minus Eddie who is forced to stay admitted due to a small but easily treatable infection – has to go back to L.A. with the promise of regular updates, and the rest of Five-0 has to get back to work too.

So then it’s mainly just Danny and Eddie. Maddie - who'd arrived just after the nurse incident - stays, on emergency leave as it’s her brother, and visits as much as Danny, while Steve also makes frequent visits. He’s told Danny he’s staying in Hawaii now, but Danny’s barely had the time to process it, never mind talk to him.

It’s strange, but Danny quickly settles himself into a routine however. He takes Charlie to school in the morning, or Rachel’s on the weekend, and spends the first half of the day at the hospital. Then he goes home to take care of himself and other things, and picks up Charlie. Later, they go back to see Buck in the evening, staying until late. He trusts Eddie to have him contacted if anything changes.

They haven’t talked as much since that first day, but there’s a mutual stalemate between them regarding Buck. All they want, at that point, is for him to wake up. Everything else is irrelevant.

It’s a late evening on the seventh day, and Danny’s taken Charlie to get some food, when Buck’s eyelids start to flutter.

Eddie notices straight away and starts calling to him, pressing for Buck’s doctor, but then Buck’s eyes dart open and he’s panicked. Maddie’s by his bedside, speaking softly to him, her relief evident, but it’s like Buck can’t hear her.

“My husband.” He chokes out. The breathing tube was moved a few days ago, but his throat is still raw and underused. His voice is gruff. “Where’s my…” He shakes his head, as if ridding himself of the dregs of a nightmare.

“Where’s Danny?”


	15. Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie speaks to Buck, looking for forgiveness. Buck’s glimpse of the future changes his perspective. Danny and Steve talk, and Danny makes his move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the final chapter! Thank you all for sticking with me; I hope you've enjoyed the story! :D

**Maddie**

The room is a hive of activity then. Dr Kapiole enters, face etched with concern, and on seeing Buck awake, his breathing rapid and his monitor screeching, immediately goes to his side.

“Lieutenant Buckley?” Her hand is warm on his shoulder, and it seems to stop Buck for a second. “Evan, can you hear me?”

Buck swallows, and Maddie doesn’t ask before giving him an ice chip. Buck’s eyes flutter closed as it melts on his tongue, and then he nods.

Kapiole smiles softly. “Welcome back.”

Buck’s eyes seem to gaze around the room, though he doesn’t focus on anything specifically. “I can see…” He murmurs, and his breathing slows a little as he calms.

“Detective Williams said you had some trouble there, but we believed it to be caused by your head wound. Is your vision clear? No spots, greyness, blurriness?”

Buck shakes his head. He looks like he wants to ask about Danny again, but then his gaze lands on Maddie, and he smiles. “Maddie…”

Maddie takes it as her queue to lean over and hug him, wetting his gown with her tears. “Evan… I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m okay, Mads.” Buck assures her, and the use of the nickname warms her heart. For the past week she’d thought she’d been reunited with her brother only to say goodbye to him. Now, not only is he going to be okay, but it seems like he may have forgiven her too.

“Evan… I’m so sorry…” Kapiole is hovering around Buck, checking his vitals, reflexes, and so on, but she can’t hold it in any longer. “I’m so sorry… I’ve missed you so much, and thinking that I… that I’d never see you open your eyes again…”

Buck’s hand is resting on hers, and it grounds her. He’s smiling, own eyes overcome by tears. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“It does.” She cries. “We hurt you. Evan, we…”

Buck’s shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he repeats, squeezing her hand, “We all made mistakes, Maddie. I wasn’t clean of it all, even if it all hurt me the most. I know that now. Call it… Call it a near death revelation.”

Then he’s looking to the door, and Maddie knows who he’s searching for. “A lot of things are clearer now.”

Maddie squeezes his hand back, bringing his gaze back to her. “He’s gone to get Charlie some food. He’ll be back soon.”

Buck seems to calm completely at that, resting back into the covers as Kapiole says all seems well, but he’ll still probably need a lot of sleep. He is certainly not to go anywhere.

Maddie smiles at her. “I’ll make sure.”

Kapiole excuses herself, and Maddie looks back at Evan. She’s never felt happier than seeing his baby blues again. “So, Danny…” She’s aware of Eddie in the other bed, has had her suspicions about how he’d felt, but she can’t stop herself from asking. Now she’s here, with Buck, now they’re okay, she can’t turn off ‘big sister mode’ again.

Buck groans. “How long has it been?”

Maddie sobers momentarily. “A week.”

“Then you’ve likely spent enough time with him to come to your own conclusions.”

Maddie grins. “Maybe. But I want your side.”

“He’s been my rock.” Buck says, looking back to the door. “I…” Whatever he was about to say is forgotten when the door swings open. His eyes widen, sparkling like Maddie has never seen, and he breaks into the widest grin.

“Hey you.”

Danny

Maybe it had been a sign when Charlie had innocently asked when Buck was going to wake up, just ten minutes prior, saying that he missed him too much. Danny notices Dr Kapiole – heading from the direction of Buck’s room – smile at him, but doesn’t think much of it; they’ve pretty much moved into the hospital by this point. Then he pushes the door open, settles his eyes on Buck’s bed, and just grins.

“Hey you.”

That’s all he needs to rush over, pressing his lips to Buck’s. For a long moment, there’s no-one else in the room but them. Then Maddie clears her throat, and Danny forces himself to pull away with a blush.

“He would apologize,” Buck laughs, “but he’s not sorry at all.”

“Not at all.” Danny grins, settling back down into the chair he’s been preoccupying and taking Buck’s hand. Charlie has settled himself with Maddie, and looks happier than Danny has seen him.

“I missed you Uncle Bucky!”

Buck is beaming. “I missed you too kiddo. So much.” They’re content for a long moment, but then he notices Eddie on the other side of the curtain, quietly watching the exchange, and his brow furrows. “Eds?”

Danny watches some of the light return to Eddie at the use of the nickname, a smile forming on his face. “It’s good to see you awake, Buckaroo.”

There’s a small smile on Buck’s face, but Danny can see the questions forming before he says, “What happened?”

Danny rubs circles on Buck’s palm as he explains what had happened, and how Eddie had been the one to pretty much save his life. When Buck draws his eyes back to Eddie, there’s a look in them that none of them can quite fathom.

“You did that?” His voice is a mix of awe and bewilderment, like he can’t quite believe Eddie would. Danny feels a quick flash of anger there, because it had been Eddie to destroy that trust in the first place, but he tampers it down. It was not only in the past, it was Buck’s trauma, and Danny wouldn’t hold a grudge if Buck decided it was time to forgive.

“You’re my best friend.” Eddie says simply. Again Danny can tell there’s something more there, but he doubts Eddie will say anything until he and Buck are alone. His stomach knots a little, but he reminds himself to just be thankful that Buck is awake – that he’s okay. Everything else will come later.

Buck grins, before turning back to Danny. “I miss anything else during my beauty sleep?”

Danny can’t think of much – the week’s been such a blur – and then; “Oh! Steve’s back.”

Buck’s eyes widen. “He actually came?”

Danny nods; he still hasn’t quite figured out what’s going on there. “Came back to help us catch Mei.”

“And?”

“She won’t be bothering us again.” He isn’t sorry for how that played out.

“You talked to him much?”

“Steve?”

“He punched him in the face.” Eddie helpfully adds, causing Danny to give him a weak glare.

“You punched him?” Evan looks at him, incredulous.

“I had reason to.” Danny defends. “We’d basically just been told you were dying without a new liver and he just waltzed in all ‘where’s Danny?’. I swear to everything above, that man infuriates me.”

“You love him though.”

Danny stops for a minute. Buck knows everything, but he can also tell that Buck doesn’t mean it that way. There’s no jealousy there – not like there is between Danny and Eddie – just truth. He nods. “But not as much as I love you.”

Buck blushes, and Danny realises it’s the first time he’s said it in a romantic fashion. “I love you too, Danno.”

Charlie sighs. “Can you please get married now?”

Maddie guffaws, hiding behind her hand, and Buck’s dream comes back to him. He also remembers the first few seconds of consciousness, shouting out for Danny but still stuck in the remnants of that place; he knows Maddie will have heard that. He coughs, and changes the subject.

“So, Steve?”

“Is out with Gracie.” Danny says, blushing himself. “Probably having his ear chewed off for the hundredth time about leaving.”

“That’s my girl.” Buck grins, and Danny’s heart skips a beat. He’s missed this; missed the man who has become his partner in everything, not just work.

They settle down into a comfortable silence, simply enjoying the moment, before Buck starts to yawn. Danny tells him to sleep, and says he’s going to take Charlie and Maddie home.

Buck smiles, kisses him softly, and everything suddenly feels right with the world.

As they leave though, Danny catches a glimpse of Eddie, looking troubled, and he knows there’s still a few things that need to be set right first.

He knows he has one of his own.

Steve McGarrett.

**Steve**

Steve is almost thankful when Danny arrives to take Grace. She’d been getting antsy cooped up in the hospital – much as she loved Buck – so Steve had offered to take her out for ice cream and then back to the Lanai to see to Eddie. He’d been excited about it, having missed her, but then Grace had proceeded to chew his ear off about leaving – not for the first time – and Steve had somewhat regretted his offer.

He loved the girl, but he didn’t need to keep being reminded of his mistakes; he knew them enough.

So he was somewhat relieved when Danny appeared, even more so by the grin on his face.

“Buck’s awake.”

Steve lets out a sigh of relief. “He good?”

Danny nods. “Doc said he should be good as new in a month or so.”

“That’s good.”

Danny speaks to Grace for a moment, her saying that she wants to see Buck tomorrow, but then he’s ushering her out to the car where Maddie and Charlie are. What surprises Steve however, is that Maddie is behind the wheel.

Danny waves at the car as it disappears, and then he’s turning to Steve with a serious look. “We need to talk.”

Steve leads him back into the house, grabbing two beers from the fridge. “Outside?” It was always their place.

Danny nods, and they trace the all too familiar route to the deck chairs.

It takes a moment after they’re settled before Danny speaks, nursing his beer. “I was so damn angry when you left.”

“I think I got that from your welcome.” Steve replies, tentatively touching his jaw. The bruise has almost gone but the ghost of the pain – physical and emotional – still echoes.

“It wasn’t even that you were leaving.” Danny says, and Steve can see he’s caught in his own mind. He’s more talking to himself, saying things Steve needs to hear but not that Danny needs him to necessarily respond to. “I got that. You know I’ve always supported you. But then Daiyu Mei happened, I almost died, Steven, and you… you still left.”

He takes a long drink, gazing out across the calm ocean. “A month maybe, I could have understood, but a week? I thought maybe… maybe I’d done something… maybe it was me. But I’d thought we were on the same page. I thought…”

“Ten years, Steven. Ten years. Gone. I couldn’t cope, not so soon after everything. Not when you barely kept in contact. I’d been in love with you for so long, and suddenly I didn’t know how to go on without you.”

Steve feels his heart explode at the revelation, but then he realises Danny’s use of past tense, and he goes cold. “You…”

Danny mistakes his expression. “Don’t make me say it again, Steven.”

“You _had_ been?” Steve manages, sad eyes solely on Danny.

Danny looks at him for a long moment then, understands, and sighs. “You broke my heart.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve isn’t quite sure what else he can say.

“I know you are.” Danny says, looking back across the beach. “Maybe if I had been honest, but… hindsight is 20/20 right? Doesn’t change anything.” He swallows. “I’m saying this because… because I need to close that door. I need… I need to let it go.”

“I’m an idiot.” Steve whispers. “I knew that the second I got on that plane but I… I didn’t quite know why. It took being away from you to realise how much you meant to me, and by that point it was too late.”

“Me nearly dying wasn’t enough?”

“It should have been, but like I say, I’m an idiot.” He takes a drink, but it sour in his mouth. He feels ill. He feels overwhelmingly sad. “I was a coward, Danny. I just… I couldn’t face my mistake. I couldn’t face the fact that you might have moved on.”

“I have.” Danny says, meeting his gaze again. Steve doesn’t need to ask. “That’s why I needed to speak to you, I just… It’s been too weird, between us, and I… I just need you to be my best friend again.”

“Always, Danno. Always.” Steve’s on his feet then, pulling Danny into a hug. “I love you, Danno.”

“Love you too, buddy.”

Eddie

Eddie’s relieved when the others take their leave. As selfish as it sounds, now that Buck was awake, Eddie desperately needed to talk to him.

That said, Buck was in and out of consciousness as his body continued to heal, so for now Eddie was video calling his Abuela, who was looking after Christopher.

“- and then Bobby brought out apple pie and it was so yummy, dad!” Chris is in the midst of telling him about his day, and Eddie can’t help but smile. He’d eventually had to tell him about Buck’s condition, especially when Eddie himself had to stay in Hawaii, but Chris had been overjoyed to find out Buck was going to be okay. They’d gone around to Bobby and Athena’s to celebrate, and Chris was now regaling him with tales of the afternoon.

“That sounds great buddy! I’m so glad you had a good time!”

Chris is just beaming. “When are you coming home?”

“A few more days mijo.” Eddie says, and he feels his heart pang. He misses his son so much. “But I’ll bring you back a souvenir, I promise.”

Chris’ whoop is shrill down the phone, and Eddie covers the speaker too late. Buck groans from his own bed, blinking eyes searching for Eddie. “y’ ‘kay?”

“Sorry Buck.” Eddie half whispers. “Chris got excited.”

Suddenly Buck is awake, eyes darting around the room. “Chris is here?”

The pang in Eddie’s heart worsens, knowing how much Buck must have been missing Chris; how Eddie had stopped him from seeing his son all that time ago. “He’s on the phone, Buckaroo.”

Buck’s smile doesn’t dim however. “Can I speak to him?”

“Of course.” He says to Buck, smiling just as wide, and tells Chris to hang on. Sliding out of bed, careful of his own IV, Eddie sits himself in the chair next to Buck’s bed. “Hey buddy, someone wants to say hi.” Then he turns the phone so Chris and Buck can see each other.

“Buck!” Chris shouts, and – if possible – his smile is even wider. “I miss you so much!”

Buck’s teary already, smiling so hard his face might crack. “I miss you too Christopher. So much. So very much.”

Eddie feels his heart crack, even more so when Chris asks. “When are you coming home? You’ve been gone for-e-ver!”

He can see Buck holding back his emotions, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I… I’m not sure, bud. But I promise I’ll visit really soon.”

“Okay!” Chris seems satisfied, and tells Buck everything he’d been telling Eddie about the party. “Uncle Bobby and Aunt Athena and Aunty Hen and Uncle Chim are so happy you’re all better.”

“I’m happy I’m better too buddy.” Buck says, and this time he can’t stop the tears from falling. “Now, let me look at you. You’ve gotten so big.”

Eddie is content just watching them talk about anything and everything. They’ve been apart for so long, but seeing them now, Eddie knows this is what he’s been missing. This is what’s been wrong. He just hopes he can fix it, even if part of him knows he’s probably already too late.

Abuela comes back a few minutes later, telling Christopher that it’s time for bed. He tries to plead to stay on with Buck for a bit longer, but Buck tells him they can always talk tomorrow when he’s home from school. Chris seems happy with that, so he tells them both goodnight. Abuela says she’s glad Buck’s okay and that he needs to visit soon for her famous Masada’s, and then they’re gone.

Buck settles back against the bed, and his hand reaches for Eddie’s arm, squeezing softly. “Thank you for that.”

Eddie swallows. He doesn’t deserve Buck’s thanks for something he should have been able to do all along. “I was wrong to keep him from you.”

“You were.” Buck’s eyes drift away for a second, as if he’s battling with himself, with the memories, but then he’s back on Eddie, even if the smile has disappeared. “But I was wrong too, doing what I did. I was blind… to a lot of things.”

“We kind of made a mess of everything, didn’t we?”

“Yeah…” Buck’s quiet, solemn, before his smile returns. “But even when everything’s burnt down, there’s still new life beneath the surface. You just have to brush away the ashes.”

“Spoken like a firefighter.” Eddie chuckles.

“Not anymore…”

“You can come back, you know? If you… If you wanted to…” He almost doesn’t say it, but this isn’t just about him and Buck, or Danny, or either team. It’s about Buck himself.

Buck sighs. “It’s not my place anymore, Eds. I think we both know that.”

He does. He’s seen glimpses of how happy Buck is here; how he’s surrounded by a new family. He’s just preferred to stay blind to it. “You prefer law enforcement?” He tries to keep his voice light.

“It’s different.” His hand reaches for his badge, sat on the side table, and plays with it. “Especially Five-0. But… It was a new start and I… I needed that.”

“I get it, you know?” Eddie leans back, staring at the ceiling tiles. Somehow it’s easier to say everything that’s been swirling in his mind if he doesn’t look at Buck. “I was your best friend – hope I still am – and I know we hurt you. I know I hurt you. I’ve regretted it every day Buck. Regretted pushing you away. Regretted it all. It took you leaving for me to realise just how much you meant to me. How much you meant to Chris. How… complete… we were with you. How…” He swallows past the lump in his throat, blinking back the tears forming. “How much I was in love with you.”

Buck inhales sharply, but says nothing.

“I ruined all of that, and I can never be more sorry, Buck. I just hope… hope you can forgive me. I don’t want to lose you again, Evan. I can’t.”

Buck’s hand is still warm on his arm, and he squeezes again, bringing Eddie’s gaze back down to him. Buck’s smiling, but it’s sad, remorseful. “I did love you, Eddie. I think part of me always will. But so much has changed, too much, and I… I’m not that person anymore. And…”

Eddie’s other hand rests on top of Buck’s, squeezing back. He knew it was coming. “And there’s Danny.”

“There’s Danny.” Buck nods. “I love him, Eddie.”

“He loves you. Anyone can see it.” At Buck’s look, he chuckles. “I’m stupid Buck, but I’m not blind.”

Buck smiles. “When I was under, I… I dreamed, and I realised I’ve spent so long trying to keep these two halves of me apart – past and present – but… what I need is both of them. All of you. That’s my future. If I’m ever going to be happy, I need to let it all go.”

“You sound like Elsa.” Eddie laughs, and Buck breaks out into a grin.

“Is it still Chris’ favourite film? I haven’t watched it in forever.”

“It is.” Eddie grins. “Next time you visit L.A., we’ll have a movie night.”

“Visit?” Buck’s looking at him with an expression that tells Eddie he wasn’t expecting him to accept the idea so easily. Eddie knows he would have fought tooth and nail to bring Buck ‘home’ but after everything, he knows it would be the wrong thing to do. If he wants Buck in his life, he too needs to let go of what he thought it would be, and accept what it is.

“If you want to. I mean, Hawaii is beautiful and all, but can it beat L.A.’s finest Mexican cuisine, courtesy of Abuela, or Chris’ lego competitions?”

The wind is knocked out of him then as Buck leaps up and hugs him tightly. “Thank you, Eds.”

“Whatever you need, Buck.” Eddie whispers against his ear.

“I need my best friend.” Buck whispers back.

“I’m here.”

**Buck**

Although the previous night hadn’t gone exactly how Buck had expected, it had been exactly what he’d needed, and he wakes the next day (he doesn’t want to assume its morning, considering how much his body has been sleeping) feeling like a weight has been lifted off his chest.

The pain and anger he’d been holding onto is gone, and instead he just feels peace.

He has Danny, Charlie and Grace; more than he’d ever hoped to have. He has the Five-0 team. He might even have Steve back, if Danny too had managed to get his own closure.

He also has Eddie, his best friend, back; and Chris with him. He has Bobby, Athena, Hen and Chim, back in L.A. but glad he’s okay and wanting to see him as soon as he’s able. He has Maddie back.

Never in his life as he felt as content as he does right then, and even the threat of Daiyu Mei taking it all away is gone too.

There’s just one last thing that’s pulling at his conscious brain; the remnants of his anaesthesia induced dream. It’s probably too much to hope for, especially this early on, but he can’t shake the looks of Grace, Charlie, and Danny, looking no older than they do now. After everything, really, he feels like living to the mantra of ‘there’s no time like the present’.

Maddie visits him first, and he tells her about his and Eddie’s conversation the night before, while the other is in the bathroom. She’s so happy for him, and says that if he’s planning on staying in Hawaii then he better make sure there’s a guest room for her because she’ll be visiting every chance she gets. He knows what her reaction will be if he says there’s his old room – come on, there’s no way he’s leaving Danny’s side now, not even to sleep – but he stays silent.

When Danny arrives after dropping Charlie off at school, Maddie conveniently decides to accompany Eddie on his daily walk, leaving the two partners alone.

Buck smiles softly as Danny takes the seat next to his bed, interlacing their fingers. “You know, I woke up this morning and almost thought it had been a dream.” Danny’s eyes are watery again, and Buck can’t wait until he’s able to speak to him without either of them shedding tears. He supposes it’s all still a little raw. “It was only when Charlie told me how he was going to bring you Bucky Bear later so you could all watch The Avengers together, that I realised it wasn’t.”

“I’m here.” Buck says, taking Danny’s other hand. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.” Danny says, pressing his lips to Buck’s. Buck feels himself just melt, skin prickling with goosebumps.

When they pull away, he sighs contentedly, settling deeper into the pillows. “I feel so happy right now.”

“Good to know.” Danny says, grinning. “I don’t feel so bad either.”

“Did you talk to Steve?” Buck asks, eyes sliding shut for a moment.

“I did.” He can hear the squeak as Danny settles back into the chair. Their hands are still locked together. “We’re good.”

“Yeah?” Buck’s eyes flicker back open, meeting Danny’s with the unspoken question between them.

“Yeah.” Danny smiles. “Just means I have to put up with him calling me Danno every chance he gets.”

“Secretly, you love it.” Buck laughs.

“You and Gracie and Charlie? Yeah. Steve? It’s just annoying.”

“Liar.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“I talked to Eddie too.”

“Yeah?”

“We’re good.” Buck parrots Danny’s words back at him and they both laugh. “That’s why I’m happy. I’ve got both my families. I’ve got my best friend back.” His thumb rubs over Danny’s hand, his smile a little bashful now. “I’ve got the man I love, and his two amazing kids.”

“Who’s that then?” Danny grins.

“I’m obviously talking about Junior.”

“Don’t tell Tani.”

“She already knows.” Buck smirks. “Threatened to chase me with a baseball bat, but I’ve never been easily deterred.”

A comfortable silence settles between them, before Buck remembers what he’s really wanted to talk to Danny about. Still, now – in the moment – he finds himself fiddling with the frayed edge of the blanket with the hand that Danny hasn’t refused to let go of. “You know when I first arrived, and we were out on your porch, and you told me everything about Steve; how you said there was a time you’d gotten shot, and you’d dreamt of you both, old together?”

“Yeah?” Danny’s brows are furrowed, confused, and Buck would almost laugh if he wasn’t so nervous. “What about it?”

“When I was under, I dreamt too. I dreamt of us.”

Danny smiles softly, pressing a kiss to Buck’s forehead. “Was I good looking old?”

It draws a chuckle from Buck, and he relaxes a fraction. “We weren’t old. We… We were getting married.”

Danny’s eyes seem to widen just a fraction, his hand slipping from Buck’s, and suddenly Buck’s wondering whether it was a good idea to even mention it. He swallows. “I… uh… I know it’s soon but… uh… all of this has just… just made me realise how easily things can… things can change, and… I… I know it’s right.” Looking up at Danny, he manages a shaky smile. “Daniel James Williams, will you marry me?”

Danny is quiet, and it’s so unusual for the Jersey native that Buck can’t help the tears that start falling. He’s ruined everything.

“Hey… Hey…” Danny’s hand is suddenly on his face, thumb brushing away the tears. “I’m sorry babe, I just-“

Buck shakes his head. “It’s fine. It was stupid.”

“No, no.” Danny tilts his chin, forcing Buck to look at him. “You just stole my thunder, that’s all.”

This time it’s Buck’s eyes that widen as Danny slides out from the chair onto one knee, pulling out a small velvet box that had been hidden in his pocket.

“Evan… You came into my life at the perfect moment. Four years ago, we’d only just met but you became my lifeline. In that darkness, you were my light. I didn’t realise just how special you were then, but I learned, over time, and now… I count my lucky stars to have you in my life. When you needed me, I couldn’t not answer the call, but bringing you to Hawaii didn’t just save you. It saved me too. You saved me, for the second time. These past six months have been amazing, and my feelings for you just grew, but this past week… thinking I was going to lose you forever… I just knew I can’t not have you at my side. I need you, Evan… I love you. So…”

The box opens with a quiet click, revealing a silver banded engagement ring with a simple single diamond inset into the centre. Buck gasps; it’s the exact ring he’d dreamt of.

“Evan Michael Buckley, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?”

Buck doesn’t trust his voice. All he can do through the tears that are streaming down his cheeks, is nod.

Danny’s grinning wider than ever as he slides the ring onto Buck’s finger, and then they’re kissing fiercely, wrapped in each other’s arms.

Buck’s not sure whether it’s minutes or hours that pass before he hears someone clear their throat, but he’s suddenly laughing into the crook of Danny’s neck, feeling like he’s just been caught by his parents. Reluctantly looking up, he sees Maddie and Eddie in the doorway. Maddie looks like she’s holding back giggles. Eddie is more solemn, but he’s still smiling.

“Sorry.” Buck murmurs, half giggling himself. He’s just so damn happy.

“No, no.” Maddie grins, walking over. “We’re sorry we interrupted.” Then she notices the tears on his face, and her face falls a little. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m great.” He smiles over at Danny, clasping their hands again. Danny nods, smiling back at him, so Buck just holds his free hand out, grinning.

Maddie honest to god squeals. “Oh my god! Evan!” Then she’s hugging Danny tightly. “Welcome to the family!”

Over Maddie grilling Danny about where he got the ring from, Buck looks up to meet Eddie’s eyes. His best friend is smiling at him.

“Congratulations buddy.”

“Thanks.” Buck gestures him forward, and Eddie goes for the seat opposite Danny, hugging Buck before he sits.

“You’re growing up.” Eddie comments, and Buck can’t help but laugh.

“I know, can you believe it? I’m gonna be Evan Buckley-Williams.”

“I can, actually.” Eddie’s smile is tempered with sadness, but it’s also bright with pride. “I’m so proud of you, Buckaroo.”

“Thanks Eds.” Buck blushes. “You and Chris want to be my best men?”

Eddie grins. “What do you think?”

He thinks they’re definitely going to be okay.


End file.
